[ S.P.H.I.N.X ] 178

my first kiss :)

2011-12-03T02:29:00.002+08:00

assalamualaikum :D

alhamdulillah, akhirnya ade jugak kelapangan utk berblogging (menipu gile xde kelapangan ;p )

there are too many things to be shared! so, i'm gonna make it "green" (organized)

1. exam result

above all, i must say alhamdulillah for letting me pass. i'm just passed. not with flying colors, not even getting first class honors for overall achievement unlike most of my malaysian friends. alhamdulillah, i got first class honours for biochem (this happened totally by His will. He moved my hand to pick the right answer randomly as i was totally clueless at most of the questions). i passed my anat n physiology, low marks; almost failed i would say. alhamdulillah, clinical practice was first class honors too. and that sum up my overall achievement of getting around 53%. the passing marks for overall achievement is 50% n for each components (anat, biochem, physio n cp) is 40%. i have to struggle for the next continuous assessment (ca) as i will be tested on all the things that i've learnt from the beginning. n the next ca will be added up to the previous one n divide by 2.

2. jannah

idk y but i have this sister who's in charged of my quranic circle (qc) reminds me of jannah. o Allah, seeing how she smiles totally breaks my heart. i couldn't think of anything else except jannah. i missed the smile. the smile that will melt everyone's heart, the smile that will remove worries in ur heart. may Allah bless n protect u, sis likewise the way He protect my beloved friend there. :')

3. studies

ok. my studies is getting more difficult. the new module is totally damage my brain. idk what's going on with my future. i just have faith in Allah. keep on studying n the rest i'll leave it to Him. "Allah itu adalah menurut sangkaan hambaNya" i'll try to bear this in my mind.

4. italy

i'm going to italy this winter break. still not buying a dslr, hence, not excited at all. n after that, i might go to belfast for boxing day shopping. :)

5. homesick

i'm not homesick at all. alhamdulillah. but, i do lose my support system. families n friends. that's what u got when u depend on people instead of Allah. it's easier said than done. but, i'll try my best :)

6. passion, interest, motivation

those 3 things, i'm losing it now. :( please please please pray for my success.

7. physical state

ok, i'm getting fatter. living in cold country just make u eat more. well, lipid is important for heat insulation ;p

8. new friends n family

i should say i'm adapting to the new circle of people now. i'm still trying my best to adapt with them. some are just too loud n talkative that annoyed me. like seriously! some are just my "lepaking" friends that u know they can listen to ur funny n sad stories :)

9. unborn nephew

i'm waiting for my unborn nephew that's supposed to be born on december. can't help! T.T

10. next ca

please pray for me for my upcoming ca on jan-feb. just let me pass :')

till then, i miss each n everyone of u T.T

p/s : i got my first kiss with a mannequin this evening. lol. i learnt bout cpr today :) fun yet tiring!

brain dead

2011-11-10T10:11:00.002+08:00

assalamualaikum :)

alhamdulillah winter exam dah berakhir. so far ade 3 paper. clinical practice, anatomy spot test n biochemistry + physiology.
cp was ok i think. anat was totally terrible. biochem + physio was totally beyond my limit n expectation. mash terkedu dan tergamam dgn exam yg sgt dahsyat. idk y but everything didn't go well for me started from anat. i studied really hard n tried to memorize everything the whole week. ok, more than a week. but, true enough. ilmu tu milik Allah. i didn't expect that it will end up like this. ya Allah... susah sgt2.. anat spot test dahla xleh pegang cadaver n cadaver tu pulak duk cantik x berbelek2. jadi sgt susah utk dikenalpasti muscle/nerve/vessels tu punya origin/insertion. since per station ade 2 related questions that need to be answered in 1 minute, if u couldn't answer the first question, u're so dead. n ade lag jugak station utk histology, radiology n embryology. i didn't read embryology because my brain was too saturated that i really feel like banging my head on the table. luckily, embryology ade 1 gambar je. bayangkan ade berpuluh2 slide with many structures to be memorized n end up kua 1 gamba je.... all of ur effort mcm........ urghh.. n histology was totally not my cup of tea. mmg xleh teka langsung what kind of tissues are them. n radiology when it comes to x-ray thingy. idk y i mistook scaphoid for trapezium n fibular for radius. ya Allah... sepatutnye tulang temulang ni lah yg patutnye bole skor... idk y this kinda things happened at that crucial tym... i ended up crying calling my mom. i just felt so sorry that i couldn't do well. i just want everyone to know that i really did my best. i never studied so hard like this, finishing all the syllabus, ignoring proper meals, not going out for fun etc. i really did put my best foot forward. i today was the last paper. biochem + physio. putting anat test behind n focused on biochem + physio. i even revised all the lecture notes (20 lecture notes for biochem with 20-30 slides each n approximately equal to physio i guess) n tried to memorize all the unfamiliar names, structures, functions, processes etc. n again end up not being able to answer most of the questions. it was like i didn't do revision at all. totally beyond my expectation n limit. i've never felt so exhausted studying. i've never felt so dizzy like today. i went home, eating half a tub of ice cream in less than 20 minutes n straight away sleep. i woke up n realized that medic is no joke. it's either u do or u die. chat with my senior, sighed. i said to her how terrible my exams went. n she said it's normal n i just have to keep on studying n b optimist. medical student really dun have a normal life unless u're super gifted. everyday is about studying, memorizing n the cycle repeats. ur efforts doesn't really guarantee ur successl. i just have to adapt with this new system. she said so. ya Allah berilah aku kekuatan. please. this is just the beginning but it looks like a disaster for me. i'm so speechless.

bye. please spare ur dua for me. may He grant us with success dunya n akhirat.

bingung

2011-10-19T23:02:00.003+08:00

assalamualaikum :)

dah dekat sebulan sy bertapak d ireland. so far terlampau byk bende yg terjadi. dan diri ini masih lagi dalam keadaan terkedu, bingung dan jujurnya sy mengatakan konsentrasi sy terhadap pelajaran sedikit terganggu. i've made the biggest decision in my life. n up to this moment idk whether or not this decision is the best for me but for sure, i'm going to be a different person. this has nothing to do with my studies. it's something new, something that never crossed my mind before. i know it's a good thing but, idk whether or not i've made a right decision at the right time. if i tell someone about this matter, they will feel the same. speechless n burdened. my parents will scold me for sure. idk if there's anyone who will stand by my side upon hearing about this matter except those people. oh Allah.. please ease my journey if i'm the chosen one TT______TT everything happened too sudden~!

1/20

2011-10-13T19:15:00.002+08:00

assalamualaikum :)

ade ape dgn 1/20? jeng3

mukadimahnye di sini, ingin sy menegaskan betape sy telah memalukan dan menconteng arang ke muke ibu bapa, negara Malaysiaku yg tercinta, rakan2 dah seluruh rakyat Malaysia termasuk pegawai2 MARA yg dikasihi. TT__TT
ingin sekali sy memohon maaf kerana kesilapan yg sgt memalukan ini.

alkisahnye, beberape hari yang lalu, kelas physio bermule seperti mnggu2 yang sebelumnye. dan seperti biase, kelas physio antare ranking teratas yg menyumbang kepade masalah tido-dan-balik-rumah-x-paham-ape2-langsung. beberape hari lepas kelas physio, ade pulak lab physio. memandangkan tahap disiplin yg sgt baik, sy duduk di bahagian belakang, bajet irish. sejam pertame, lecturer pon cite la pasal ape bendelah kan. dahla x paham accent dya, sore pn slow. make tertido lagi di situh. lepas lecturer da abis ckp2, lab pn bermule. hentam keromo sajelah kan. dahla sy dgn imah pn mmg x paham objektif belaja mesin hari tuh. lepas da godek2, lab pn habis. n mcq test bermule. jeng3. lol

mcq test ni ade 20 soklan. betul dpt 1 markah, salah tolak -1/2 markah. kalo tekan dunno dpt 0 markah. memandangkan sy mmg duk tdo je n x paham2, so sy pn malas nak bace soklan sbb term2 yg dgunekan pn cam x penah denga. make dgn selamba badaknye menekan true, false, dunno.

hehehe make dgn itu, timbullah 1/20 tu. harap maaf. sy akan lebih berusaha lepas ni TT__TT

19 ni ade mock exam. tolong doakannn~! byk betul kene bace. mcm setahun da belaja... wuwuwu..

bye~~

new experience

2011-10-07T05:53:00.002+08:00

assalamualaikum!

sedikit update utk hari ini.

hari ni xde kelas. make dgn rase rendah diri menujulah ke town selepas latihan kebakaran di apartment utk pergi ke balai polis. smpai balai polis dlm pukul 10.30. hajat d hati nak pergi balai polis sbb kena buat garda card (pls google ;p) yg brharge 150euro (haa, convert2!). beratur lame gile. kol 12 kauter da tutup n bukak balik kol 2. since ktorang xnak terlepas que, so, sementare tuh berhajat la utk mmbeli makanan sbb sgt kebulur. 1 of us tinggal n jage line. so, pergilah ke daybreak utk carik roti tp xde tulis suitable for vegetarian (roti pn bukan sume halal). make berjalanlah kami ke sekitar town utk carik sesuap nasi. tibe2 terjumpe dunnes store. barulah tahu balai polis tuh xdelah jauh sgt dgn tmpat lepak ktorang. haha. so, menuju ke dunnes store dgn rase girang sbb dapat beli roti. tp x beli roti pun. beli swiss role cadburry yg sgt manis. skrg menyesal sbb beli byk. terpengaruh dgn harge yg konon murah. jam menunjukkkan hampir kol 2. ktorang x solat lagi. make sy cadangkan agr solat d fitting room saje. so, bergegas mencari tandas utk wudhu'. ambik wudhu' cam takut2 sbb mat salleh kang tgk pengotor lak org Islam basuh kaki kat sink. so, bile line clear baru ktorang basuh kaki cepat2. then cepat2 turun ke bahagian pakaian utk wanita. grab beberapa baju konon2 nak cube. muahaha. masuk bilik yg paling beso n terus solat. alhamdulillah, sy bawak kompas. bwk kompas merata tmpat sbb before this pn penah terkejar2 nak solat. n last2 solat dlm it centre which is org ramai d situh. peduli ape la kan janji solat suda. tym ni cam gabra gak, dahla sensorang. call senior mintak tolong n tanye pasal kiblat. so, menggunakan daya imaginasi yg tinggi sy pn imagine balik arah sungai ke mane. alhamdulillah, dapat solat w'pun x khusyu' =.=

ok. sekian saje. kembali mmbuat assignment anatomy

back to basic :)

2011-10-01T15:54:00.002+08:00

assalamualaikum wbt malaysiaaa ;D lol

hahaha seronoknye berbahase malaysia d blog sendiri ;p (utk sahabat2 yg ternanti2kan entry kali ini dlm bahase inggeris, seribu kemaafan ;p ) alhamdulillah... dah nak masuk minggu ke 4 d bumi ireland ni... (ye ke minggu ke 4? ok. lupe tarikh fly bile :) ) memandangkan entry kali ini merupakan entry pertame sejak sy berade d sini, jadi mungkinlah agak panjang ye. jdi sesiapa yg sedang menghafal anatomy x kirelah walau anda berada d bp sekali pun, teruslah menghafal. lol

ok mari start dr mule deh. memandangkan da lupe tarikh. jd sy x letak tarikh.

alhamdulillah, bersyukur sgt2 diberi kesempatan dan dimakbulkan doa utk belajar medic d bumi ireland ni. w'pun BUKAN dublin (masih terkilan sikit) tp sy nampak hikmahnye kenapa Allah letakkan sy d cork. alhamdullilah, d tempatkan dgn sahabat2 yg terpilih. sahabat2 yg mmg hebatlah akademik dan kredibilitinye. mule2 sgtlah inferior dgn mereka (masih lg inferior) siapelah sy utk berade setaraf mereka. tp alhamdulillah, hati ini masih lg bertahan, jiwa ini masih lg kental, semangat ini masih lg membara. sy ade tanggungjwb yg sgt berat d sini. manusia berpegang pd janji. sy xkan lupe peribahase ni (peribahase ke? ). alhamdulillah sy dikurniakan sahabat2 yg sy selese berkawan (w'pun bukan semuanye begitu... kuang3) dan seniors yg sgt2 supportive n penyayang (hakikatnye sgt terharu dgn kebaikan mereka TT__TT ) so far, sy belum menitikkan air mate kerana homesick. hakikatnye sy belum homesick lagi. lol. alhamdulillah. tapi, sy tidak menafikan air mate deras pernah mengalir d sini kerane kerinduan yg amat sgt terhadap arwah jannah. yg sweetnye adelah apebila kerinduan dan tangisan itu dikongsi berjemaah bersame2 sahabat2 yg masih lg d malaysia waktu itu. ;') ok. tamat di sini.

next. cuace kat sini agak annoying. sgt!. kesejukan hanyelah belas2 degree celsius. tidak pernah melebihi 20 degree celsius. dan tidak pernah juge mengurangi 10 degree celsius. jd mmg sgtlah kondusif utk TIDO. ape yg annoyingnye? yeah. kat sini selalu hujan. walaupun x lebat, dan termsuk dlm kategori germis d m'sia, tp gerimis tu agk lame jugak. n x menentu. kadang2 tgh elok2 cerah, tup2 hujan. agak unpredictable. dan kadang2 mendung tp rase panas. jd mmglah sedikit pelik. sebenarnye, sgt digalakkan utk pakai baju sejuk yg kalis air, kasut kalis air n beg jugak kalis air. memandangkan sy punye clothing sume serba serbi x kalis air, make basah lencun dah 2 hari berturut2. padan muke sbb x beli baju sjuk kalis air. ok. tamat di sini.

mengenai uni pulak. kat sini jarak dr uni ke main campus x lah jauh tapi penat jugak utk berjalan sebab kene menapak BUKIT. lepas menapak bukit barulah masuk main campus. tu baru main campus. memandangkan uni ni agk beso, lagilah jauh perjalanan utk ke sesuatu destinasi. tapi selalu lectures dekat wgb n brookfield. brookfield ni lagi jauh dr wgb n main campus. dan kena naik tangge n menapak bukit jugak. ah ni mmg penat. disebabkan sy mmg suke dtg lambat, jadi kalo nak ke brookfield mmg sampai kelas tahap semput sebab berlari2 anak dengan cemerlangnye =.=. ok habis di sini.

bando pulak. dr apartment ke bando mengambil mase dlm 30 minit jalan kaki lenggang. kalo irish walk mungkin 20 minit kot. ntahlah. sy mmg fail bab assumption mase, jarak n umur ;p yg pasti mmg penat gile la jugak. yg best nye duk sini byk jalan. jadi balik msia mungkin muscle2 akan terbentuk. lol. barang2 kat sini sangat murah dr segi angkenye. cumenye, kalau convert ade yg still murah, ade yg lebih kurang, ade yg lagi mahal. beselah tu, duit kite kan kecik. nak wat cane kan. tp duk sini toksah la asyik duk convert je, x hidup karang. memandangkan sy agak suke shopping, jadi agak tercabar iman ini. lol. kat bandar pulak xdelah tempat shopping yg hebat2 cam dublin. yg ade hanyelah penneys, dunnes, mark n spencer n beberapa kedai kecil2. tp sgt memadai utk memuaskan nafsu shopping seorang pelajar m'sia ;D ok la not bad. makanan halal ade d sekitar bando tu jgak. tp kena berjalan lah ye utk smpai kedai tu. dan apabile balik akan lapo semule sbb penat berjalan. haa kat sini jugak mmg byk makan sbb asyik lapo je. bekalan utk susu, roti n biskut biasenye akn ditambah 2 kali seminggu. nasib baiklah sy jenis yg malas masak n x pandai masak. jadi kalo nak makan yg hebat2 biasenye leh lah makan di rumah senior. kuang3. seniors sgtlah baik TT__TT datang umah je dpt makan. sedap2 lak tu. layanan lak first class. nak ape2 bantuan iA akan dhulurkan. thanx a lot dear sisters! ;)
ok. selesai di sini.

masuk bab study lak. haa nak cite la sikit cane kan. org kate study oversea ni hebat kan. lol. xtaulah celah mane yg hebatnye. mostly, lecturers kat sini sgt monotonous (sangat2) n akan bace je ape yg ade kat slide dorg. mmg dorg akan explain tp explainationnye tidaklah sedetail mcm belaja d kmb dulu (yelah dah masuk uni lah katekan). jadi kaedah sebegini sgtlah menarik minat sy utk TIDO. accent org lelaki kat sini sgt pekat. n lecturer physio sy adelah lelaki. smpai sekarang sy xtau ape yg sy belaja. kuang3. so far, anatomy je lah yg menepati piawaian sy. explaination yg bagus w'pun monotonous. accent juge jelas. subjek biochem pule hmmph... kalau x duk depan mmg hilang fokus. sebab, lecturer ni pd sy agak syok sendiri (bukan mengumpat) sebab dya expect kite dah bace notes dya (sepatutnye kena bace before masuk kelas). so, dya akan explain dgn kelajuan super irish. jadi kalo dah xpaham kat satu bende, sy jenis akan block info utk seterusnye. jadi mmg x aneh la bile kelas biochem sy cume dpt 1%-2% saje. subjek bh pulak, lagilah aneh. sy betul2 bingung apekah yg nak diajar oleh lecturer tu. bak kate sorang student acms, bh ni mcm sekolah kite dulu2 jemput penceramah n bg ceramah ttg 1 topik berkaitan perubatan. sgt aneh smpai xtau nak describe cane dah. lol. practical anatomy pule sgt best tp kene jadi org yg cepat pick-up. sebabnye, bile smpai kat workstation yg ade cadaver tu, dya akan explain n tunjukkan bahagian yg kte kene tau on that day. contohnye, kalo hari ni belaja bahagian leher, dya akan cite pasal muscles, dr mane origin, insertion n action yg terlibat, tulang2, nerve2 n gabungan semua tu lah. dya akan explain as if kite dah penah dgr all the terminologies yg sgt panjang n pelik n susah dihafal dlm mase yg sgt singkat. lepas tu, normally, dya akan tanye balik sorang2. kuang3. sy pernah je terkantoi. lebih dr sekali. lol. kalo dpt dgn sorang demonstrator ni, dya ni mmg sgt hebat n baik kerana bukan saje ktorang akan belaja ape yg kene belaja pasal hari tu, tp jugak extra things yg akan membuatkan otak ktorang menjadi sgt compact n end up x igt 1 bende pun yg diajarkan. lol. sy dah adapt dgn situasi camni bile mane balik je kelas sy pk apelah yg sy dapat berjam2 spent mase dlm lecture hall td. ahh sudah menjadi perkare biase. same jugak cam kwn2 kat dublin. tapi, balik umah mmg kene study. kene study tahap yg besok ade exam. tapi still, sy luangkan mase utk ke bando dan bershopping, pergi gym, Skype dgn kwn, faebooking, layan korea n etc :) ok. tamat di sini.

overall, selepas beberape minggu kat sini. mmg hati ni masih mempersoalkan kesungguhan nak jadi doc. kuang3. sisters ckp ni perkare biase. so, ape yg boleh sy buat hanyelah cube sedaye upaya n beroda agar ditetapkan hati dlm jalan ini. alhamdulillah, yg serononkye duk kat sini, sy dapat rase sy lebih dekat dgn Allah. satu nikmat yg sy mungkin x dpt kalo sy study d m'sia. :) mohon jase baik sahabat2 agr mendoakan diri ini sentiase maju selangkah demi selangkah dlm akademik, sahsiah mahupun sbagai muslimah. doakan juge senior2 sy yg sgt baik semoge dorg dpt grad dgn cemerlangnye! semoge kebaikan kalian di balas dgn ganjaran yg hebat dr Allah swt.

ok tu je kot.. nnt sambung lg kalo ade kesempatan. terima kasih kerana sudi membace. lol. bye

here i come

2011-09-11T01:42:00.002+08:00

salam chingoos! :)

i've been pretty lazy to update anything nowadays. well, there's basically nothing to share too. will be flying to cork tomorrow at 2355. feeling at the moment?? terribly sad because some of my friends had already left me. well, we all have to move on different paths but with the same purpose :) i dun really feel sad leaving others behind instead i'm sad for being left behind by others... wuwuwu... n of course it's nerve-wrecking too.. it feels lyk u're going to live in a different world. hiyah2! there's nothing i can do except keep on praying n do my best. wish me luck! will be very grateful if some nice friends could call me before i leave m'sia :) till then, c u again!

*not really in the mood of writing. my best roomie had left me to galway :'(

gabus

2011-08-10T02:52:00.002+08:00

salam~ :DD

sorry for not updating anything for quite a long tym :) i've been very lazy. heee.. ok there are a few things that happened to me around this 2 months.

1. placement

alhamdulillah, i managed to secure a place in ireland. it's not ucd but it's ucc. i was crying when i saw my name in that list. i said to myself that this is it... i was actually preparing myself to be defeated at the end of the day. i was definitely being ungrateful i guess :( i was mad at everyone who congratulated me upon my "failure". i've been writing in my previous entries that i want to study in ucd so badly n i want to do it because of my friend; the 1 that i miss a lot (al-fatihah). it takes me quite a long tym to reflect everything that happened to me. i know that He gives me the best for He won't burden me beyond my limit. but, i can't deny that deep down in my heart, i've failed to keep my promise. do u know how sad is it to destroy ur goal which is to make one's dream comes true? it's just so painful :'( it becomes more painful when u have no one to understand how u feel at that tym. it's like a bleeding wound when u have to fake a smile with a teary eyes. but, today, i convince myself to believe that He has planned something good for me at the end of the day. i just have to keep moving on. i've to be strong for the upcoming challenges. i feel blessed that He grants me with caring seniors and classmates that will keep me accompany in ireland :) although, i can't happily say that i love my life to be planned this way, but at least i feel blessed n i really hope that one day i can proudly say that every cloud has a silver lining :)

2. money

since, i've been preparing for my departure this mid sept, money flowed out heavily. i bought a new laptop because the 1 that i had before was overheating n plus, i want a very light lappy for i have muscle pain around my shoulders. it already cost around 3700. i bought books, a stethoscope n a lab coat that cost almost 480. n i'm going to buy another book that will cost around 90. since we have yet received the money from our sponsor, my dad paid all of them n i bet he won't let me pay him back. again, i'm grateful but, i feel bad for being the only 1 in my family that use a lot of money only for myself :( there're still a lot of things to buy but, i dun feel good about voicing it out to my parents. i will try to buy only necessities from now on ;)

3. medicine

so, i'm going to study medic after this. please dun ever think that i'm superior for having a chance to study medic in overseas :( i often get this from my friends n it just make me sad even more. i'm not brainy but, everything happened because He had planned it that way. call me low self-esteemed girl n i'll proudly say i'm >__< wuteva, i just believe it that way. there's no way that i gained this success with my own ability; i lack in every aspect! n now i worry a lot n i keep on thinking on how am i going to survive this crazy field which i have less interest in. please, pray for my success T____T when other friends might be thinking about leaving their beloved families n friends, i keep on thinking about struggling for the rest of my life once i've stepped into this field. well, i have to prepare mentally n spiritually. i hope i can remain strong n be persevere in obtaining the knowledge :)

4. friends

dear beloved friends, i wish i could spend a lot of tym with u guys. but, i guess i've to sacrifice it for the sake of being a doc. i'm sure while we are parting, a lot of things going to change. but, i hope our friendship will remain forever :) i'll be patiently waiting for the good news from any of u ;p hahaha... but, dun expect any from me. it's not easy to penetrate my heart ;p hahaha...

i think that's all. i have to sleep. my panda eyes are quite impressive this few weeks :)

till then..... bye~

alhamdulillah

2011-07-15T00:09:00.002+08:00

salam~ :DD

alhamdulillah... my result was actually out on 6th july. n surprisingly i passed the requirement for iumc, ireland. it's indeed a miracle. it was such a relief bcos i now know what's going on with my future. it was a mixed feeling too. but, on top of it, i felt very grateful. i got a call from my beloved roomate immediately after i checked my result. so, she was the first person to know. then, i informed my family n not to forget to perform sujud syukur. after that, i informed my best buddies, thanking them for the dua. thanx guys... i wont make it without u.

now, i'm almost there. jannah... this is really for u ;') i couldnt believe i would make it. but, it was indeed a miracle. n i thank Allah for granted my dua. i dunno whether this is one kind of nikmat or test. i might regard it as a nikmat at the moment but, who knows it's actually a test for me. so, pls keep praying for my success :)

personally, i feel quite nervous to be away from my family. it's in ireland, mann... how am i going to survive in a new world without my family physically with me? huhuhu... i hope everything will be just fine n i hope i could gain as much experiences as i could n become a better person in the future. i really have to do well. i want to contribute something to my society, religion n country n i want to be a good role model for my nieces n nephews n a proud daughter too. it sounds greedy right? pls pray for my success. n i really hope i could get into ucd. this is jannah's dream n so it's mine too :)

till then~

dyshidrosis vs hyperhidrosis

2011-06-23T13:35:00.002+08:00

assalamualaikum... ;)

sorry for the long silence.

i will make this entry as short as possible because i've difficulty using my fingers >__< maybe most of my close friends know that i've been suffering from hyperhidrosis. apekah? hehehe... it's an excessive sweating. i have only palmar n plantar hyperhidrosis. thanx Allah. although it's very stressful n had caused difficulty to deal with other people, but still, it does not produce any smell :D so, for all this while my palm n sole has been producing a lot of sweat even in air-conditioned room. n sorry for those who i purposely rejected ur handshake or skinship [holding hands, etc for friendship purpose] because i dont want u to be uncomfortable with my palms being wet. i know some will feel uncomfortable n saying things that can hurt myself like "euuwww, weh gile siot, etc". i already get used to that kinda statement. hyperhidrosis is mostly caused by hereditary factors. all of my siblings positive with hyperhidrosis but both of my parents are negative, so i guess it's recessive :) my nieces n nephew has already showed the symptoms. i pity them because there's a time when u feel like isolating urself. indeed. basically, it'll lower down one's self-esteem. carrying a handkerchief is a must especially when u're writing because the possibility for ur book to be torn up is very high. the sweat is produced excessively without no specific reasons. but, it will become much more if i'm nervous. treatment? surgery does not necessarily cure it. it all depends on ur luck. anti-perspirant? it can reduce the amount only for a short period of time. so, the only thing is i have to manage my emotion well to prevent it from being more serious. it's vital to be cool n calm all the time :) but, alhamdulillah, as i grow older, there's a little improvement.

now, another problem. huuuuu. dyshidrosis! it's a type of eczema. basically it affected only palm n sole. n there will be many... i mean manyyyyyyy blisters formed. it it's very... i mean veryyyyyy itchy that u feel like crying. the blisters are small but the amount is too much. in one word, it's just scary TT_TT n it's hardly cured. there was one time that i cant stand it anymore n i ask for an injection. like the doc said it'll cure in quite a short time but the injection is so painful that makes u unable to walk after that. being brave, i took the injection. great HAHA! the drug used was so strong that i felt like my flesh was being cut with knife. no, i'm not exaggerating! n then, appear a cry-baby version of me ;p well, since i'm kinda person who enjoys pain division [cure an illness by producing another illness], i'm glad for the pain resulted from the injection had caused the dyshidrosis to cure. since, dyshidrosis is mostly caused by allergens [which i'm unaware of], it keeps on hunting me until now. TT_TT

please pray for my good health :)

the end~

2011-06-02T16:16:00.002+08:00

salam~!! :))

i wanted to write a post immediately after i end my IB but then, the feeling of getting-IB-out-of-my-life overpowers everything. so, i spend my after-IB life by spending as much time as i could with my beloved friends there. truthfully, after the last paper that i sat, i didnt really feel excited because it finally ends instead, i feel lost, sad n dissatisfied. it was totally a different feeling from spm. frankly speaking, i didnt do well during the final. i really didnt do well for almost every paper. i think i did cry almost every day during the exam week thinking of what i've done. at nights, i slept as early as 11. i never do things like that for even during the tests. i dun know y but, i really was tired n my eyes just became too sleepy that i could not stay awake any longer. some of the subjects i even did not finished reading because i slept early. n i just couldnt stop. no matter how hard i tried to hold it, i end up sleeping unconsciously. so, i guessed that was very frustrating and i regretted what i did.

but, now thinking back about it. i knew i have done my best. i have tried my very best. the things that happened during that time were all God's will. He is the best planner n right now i'm preparing myself for the worst. looking back at how i performed during the exam, i can guarantee that i'm disqualified for ireland but, if Allah planned that i'll pass the requirement despite the bad performance; i'll be so grateful. that's what i we called as miracle. n i really hope that the miracle will happen on that day :)

however, if everything turns out bad, i hope someone can remind me of this :

"boleh jadi kamu tidak menyenangi sesuatu padahal itu baik bagimu, dan boleh jadi kamu menyukai sesuatu padahal itu tidak baik bagimu. Allah mengetahui sedang kamu tidak."

[al-baqarah : 216]

hmmm... let's finish it here. what i can do now is tawakkal n keep on praying :)

so, during this break, i do a lot of things. hehehe. well, actually i just filling the time to prevent me from missing everyone. i miss everyone a lot. so so much. especially my dearest roomate, kd :'( i cried a lot because i miss them. although we will be meeting each other again but, leaving the place where i shared my laughters n tears with others, i couldnt stop crying. i would miss the most every moment in d122. i couldnt believe how i could have survive in kmb. parting with my roomate was the most saddest moment. idk y i became so emotional but, i really treasure our friendship. i always wish i can be a better roomate but i just couldnt :( it was among the most sweetest experienced in my life. i always wondering whether they will remember me but i promise that i wont forget them for the rest of my life :) u guys are amazing friends. thanx for being one of my sweetest memory. it's hard do write everything down but, i just want u guys to know that i love u guys a lot n please be safe for i couldnt afford to lose any of my friends anymore :'(

al-fatihah to jannah

silly mistakesss~!

2011-05-11T14:38:00.003+08:00

salam :)

half way to go!

but, from every paper i did many silly mistakes~!

it cost many marks too~! ;'( i dunno y. of all the exams, y i did so many silly mistakes for each paper. it was just unstopable. from ferris wheel to acid and base to gap year to teknik penceritaan n i hope it will stop there :(

till then, bye :)

down

2011-04-22T00:48:00.002+08:00

salam :)

i really dunno what had happened to me. this is the worst exam that i've been sit in my entire life. i did very2 badly. i answered as if i've never learnt about it. my biology has become worsen. i got 20 wrong answers for paper 1. i've never experienced this kinda failure before. and there's only 11 days left until final exam n i performed below par.

ya Allah.. TT_TT thanx for the test, now i realize where i'm standing at. but, i wish if u could lighten my burden for i have no faith in my ability anymore. everything seems so dark, i hope i can see the good reasons behind all of these. please ya Allah, i'm hoping for ur blessings... ;'(

moMOCK

2011-04-20T17:10:00.002+08:00

salam... :)

a very short entry for today

1. i'm depressed. exam is less than 2 weeks. mock exam so far quite bad T_T i did revise but still, couldn't answer >_<

2. yesterday, i chatted with jannah's ummi :) we miss her so damn much. i'm sorry for making u cried ummi. ummi said she just could stop her tears whenever she remember us :(

3. I HAVE TO GO TO IRELAND. it's not the fact that i want to go but i have to go because it's my responsibility. i have promised and i have to work on it.

till then... please pray for my success dear friends... may Allah bless all of u... good luck in ur exam too~! :)

capek~!

2011-04-07T18:30:00.002+08:00

assalamualaikum... :)

26 days to go~!

sesungguhnya diri ini TERLALU PENAT. physically n mentally. irp (intensive revision program) aka study group berlangsung dr pukul 8 pg smpai 4 ptg. everyday is about discussing n answering past year's ques. n to have looking at the same face everyday, it's totally one kinds of boredom. since there are still a lot of things to read n to understand n to remember, sometimes this program is not beneficial to me as when i receive the paper, i end up blurring, not knowing to answer correctly. this is totally depressing when u realize that there's less than a month n u thought that u've prepared quite well but then, it turns out that u cant even answer a question correctly. n i end up being stressful here. well, EVERYONE is, too. more people becoming sensitive n i think my boiling point has nearly reached the limit. having 1 boy in my group which always get on our nerves >__<

ya Allah pinjamkanlah kepadaku kesabaran para nabi... :'(

hati kena selalu bersih... lagi2 dah nak exam ni... thanx for the reminder, dear friend :)

kena selalu betulkan niat belajar. mmg sy belajar sbb sy nak berjaya. sbb sy nak keluar drpd kejahilan. sbb sy nak menjadi muslimah yg berjaya. sbb sy nak bantu bangsa dan agama sy. insyaAllah, kena selalu muhasabah diri.

till then, doakan kejayaan sy :)

doa

2011-03-26T11:56:00.002+08:00

assalamualaikum... ;)

first of all, posting kali ini akan bersifat lebih formal kerana sy sedang melatih diri untuk peperiksaan yg bakal tiba. hehehe please bear with it! ;)

insyaAllah, sy ingin berkongsi 1 perkara yg sy rasakan sgt menarik. perkara ini dikongsi oleh seorang naqibah year 1 iaitu naqibah usrah sy ;)

hmmm.. topiknya adalah miracle. tp yg sy nak highlightkan dlm post kali ini adalah berkaitan dgn doa

secara generalnya, terdapat 3 jenis doa yg dimakbulkan iaitu :

1- doa yg dimakbulkan dgn serta merta
2- doa yg akan dimakbulkan tp pending dulu
3- doa yg dimakbulkan tetapi Allah beri suatu yg lebih indah dan lebih baik

antara 3 jenis2 doa kat atas ni, doa yg ke-3 ni sgt menarik perhatian sy. kenape ye??
ngeh2... sebabnya.... bila Allah beri kita sesuatu yg lebih baik dan lebih indah drpd apa yg kita pohon melalui doa kita, seringkali kita bersikap buruk sangka kpd Allah. biasanya perkara mcm ni terjadi kerana untuk mendapat sesuatu yg lebih baik dan lebih indah itu, kita akan melalui 1 proses yg menyebabkan kta merasakan apa yg kita pohon tu Allah telah reject mentah2. dan proses inilah yg sangat menyakitkan.

phm ke? ke x paham? =.= sy mmg mengalami masalah untuk mmbuatkan org paham dgn perkara yg sy cuba sampaikan

mcm ni...

contohnya, time spm dulu, mesti ramai antara kita yg berdoa agar dikurniakan straight As kan? tapi, bukan semua yg dapat apa yg diharapkan. ada juga yg belajar bagai nak rak tp bukan rezeki dia utk dapat straight As tu. dan bila terjadinya perkara ini, especially for those hardworking people who had done their very best, they might feel that it is unfair kerana apa yg diperoleh kdg kala tidak setimpal dgn usaha yg dilakukan. dan mungkin ada yg mempersoalkan rezeki masing2. kenapa semua perkara tu terjadi kpd diri kita. sedarlah, sebenarnya Allah itu sehebat-hebat perancang. di saat doa kita tidak dimakbulkan, janganlah kita bersangka buruk dgn Allah, mempersoalkan sebab2 kenapa ianya terjadi. sebaliknya, redhalah dengan ketentuanNya dan bersabarlah. suatu hari nanti kita akan nampak hikmah disebalik ketentuanNya itu.

jika kita meminta rama2, kadangkala Allah tak memberi rama2 sebaliknya Dia memberi kita kepompong; kepompong yg kita rasakan sgt hodoh jika dibandingkan dgn rama2. sebaliknya, kepompong itu kalau cukup semuanya, insyaAllah akan menjadi rama2 yg cantik; mungkin lebih cantik drpd rama2 asal yg kita minta. nmpak tak? sebenarnya bukan saja Allah memakbulkan doa kita, tpi hebatnya Allah itu, Dia bagi kita sesuatu yg lebih indah dan lebih baik drpd apa yg kita sangka.

"bukankah Dia (Allah) memperkenankan (doa) orang yg dalam kesulitan, dan menghilangkan kesusahan dan menjadikan kamu (manusia) sebagai pemimpin di bumi ini? Apakah di samping Allah ada Tuhan (yg lain)? Sedikit sekali nikmat Allah yg kamu ingat."

(27 : 62)

sy benar2 terasa dgn ayat Allah yg ini. terasa diri ini sgt tak malu dengan Allah. terlalu byk nikmat Allah yg sy lupakan. dan seringkali juga sy bersifat buruk sangka terhadap Allah. sy bernafas dengan paru2 dan oxygen milikNya, tapi masih lagi menjadi hamba yg tidak patuh pd suruhanNya. dan walaupun begitu, sifat meminta-minta seorang hamba ini kepada Tuhannya mmg tidak akan mampu dibendung. sebanyak mana pun dosa seorang hamba itu, dia masih tidak malu untuk meminta-minta kepada Tuhannya. astaghfirullahalazim... semoga Allah mengampunkan dosa2 kita semua.

insyaAllah, akan cuba memperbaiki diri dr hari ke hari, berlajar untuk redha dengan ketentuannYa dan sentiasa husnu dzhon terhadap Allah. insyaAllah... :)

harap2 perkongsian ini dapat memberi manfaat kpd anda :)

again

2011-03-21T19:22:00.002+08:00

assalamualaikum... :)

alhamdulillah masih diberi kesempatan utk bernafas. baru semalam sy merasakan Allah telah menarik 1 nikmat drpd sy. nikmat kesihatan. ya, sakit itu dtg kembali. ya Allah, semoga kesakitan yg aku alami ini dpt membersihkan segala dosa yg telah aku lakukan d dunia ini :'(

the saddest feeling in the world is when u're sick n u cant make people understand how painful it is.

it looks like everyone is working very hard now. till then, bye~ :)

alhamdulillah :)

2011-03-18T11:01:00.002+08:00

assalamualaikum... :)

i'm home~! heheh... alhamdulillah... alhamdulillah... all praise to Allah.
i've been receiving treatment this week. n i can say that i almost gain back my health. it's paradise to have a healthy and strong body~! i've been enduring the pain for months actually but for the past few weeks its getting worse. n now, Allah relieves the pain. it's a wonderful feeling. i just couldnt describe it in words. experience the pain n u'll then appreciate what u had. but still, i cant be active in sports or lifting heavy things or even carry heavy bag :( it's ok anyway. i'm trying to take good care of myself :)

less than 50 days until final exam. i dunno what am i doing right now =.= it's no use to cry over spilt milk. life must goes on. i hope i can use time wisely but it's difficult to discipline myself lately. seriously, it's difficult. i hope everything turns out ok when i return to college. hopefully~! pray for my success, dear friends :)

till then.... might not updating this blog frequently.. annyeoung~!

stranded but happy

2011-03-12T14:33:00.002+08:00

salam :)

mid sem break finally begins today! however, i'm stranded in college. actually, i purposely do it due to the need to study. ngeh3. but, my parents will pick me up this evening. cant wait to eat good stuff *drooling*

anyway, i'm still waiting for the official conditional letter from iumc. it's been too long. what are they doing actually? =.=

oh, regarding my health condition. alhamdulillah, last week my dad had a meeting in putrajaya n he came to my college to bring me to meet the doc. i was very grateful because that day during the class hours, i really feel like dying. it was soooo painful n there are many times that i really had a difficulty to breath. due to me being weak, tears rolling down the cheeks, AGAIN =.=" i keep on wondering how painful sakaratul maut is because the pain that i had to endure is even hardly to endure. anyway, feel better now although there are times that the pain comes again in sudden. it feels like having a heart attack. some sort like that :(
n i need to consume the medicine given on time. because once i skip the pain comes again. anyway, i'm still alive :)

i have lots to do. till then~!

p/s: miss jannah so much. al-fatihah~

weak body

2011-03-07T01:15:00.001+08:00

salam :)

it was so painful. now it's been spreading towards my chest. breathing can be very painful and again the tears rolled down. at this moment alhamdulillah, a lil bit better. but still, i can feel the pain. i'm so worried of my health condition lately. i've started to feel like fainting maybe because of haemoglobin deficiency which lead to lack of oxygen. dun be surprise if i look so pale. i couldnt help it. the exhausting days also may contributed to this problem. well, i'm trying to keep holding on. pushing myself physically and mentally until the final exam comes. insyaAllah, i'll be able to get through without worsen my health condition.

btw, i'm going to do medical check-up during this coming break. hopefully, everything's fine :) i hope my haemoglobin level wont keep decreasing. i've been rejected as a blood donor for 4 times because of this problem :(

my remaining days in college is great. i'm trying to spend my time with friends and roomate despite the workload. i want to cherish the very last moment in this college. it's going to be difficult to part :(

gtg, need to revise biology for the upcoming test in tuesday :) wish me luck!

=( friends =)

2011-03-05T09:13:00.004+08:00

assalamualaikum :)

madss paper 1 test is over. paper 2 will be held on the next monday. i screwed up i guess. it wasnt tough but, it was all my fault since i did not spare enough time revising madss. well whatever~!

getting bored with my life here. people are acting differently now. some have changed due to the upcoming exam. even my roomate felt the same thing too n that's what make her cried yesterday. i always notice when she's crying but, never in my life will try to ask her the reasons. why? sounds like a bad roomate isn't it? hmmm well, i dunno y maybe because if i'm in her shoes i just dun wanna be disturbed. just leave me alone, give me a smile knowing that u know my condition or just whisper me some motivation words in ur heart :) that's all i need. i dun mind if people dont show it physically or verbally because Allah knows what's in our hearts right? i do feel bad because it's hard to be expressive but i believe, friends are those who always support u behind ur back without having the courage to express it in front of u :)

i went to pekan banting to relieve the stress. i think i have none at the moment :)
wish me luck! :)

it's so painful~!

2011-03-03T23:18:00.002+08:00

assalamualaikum :)

sorry for the long silence. been busy studying (?) ahaks. tuesday- econs test, thursday- chemisery test and tomorrow, friday- madss test. i've been trying to ignore the tiredness of my physical n mental. no more sleep from 6.30 a.m. till 8.00 p.m. a 1 hour sleep until 9.00 p.m. n stay awake until 2 a.m. this has been my new routine. "loving it" though i really feel like knocking out most of the time.

n what makes matter worse is my health condition is not really in a good state. the back pain had been worsen. n it already spread into the neck. it's so painful that i can no longer holding my tears. till then... :) bye

sharing is caring :)

2011-02-18T15:34:00.002+08:00

salam... :)

alhamdulillah masih bernafas hari ini walaupun hakikatnya sy masih belum submit EE & TOK~! XD sesungguhnya hati ini sgtlah jeles dgn classmates dan roomate yg dah submit EE & TOK. hiyahhh~! nak buat mcm mana, setiap kali nk hantar ade je halangan... mungkin Allah bg chance suruh semak byk kali... hehehe

i feel lyk writing in malay (kontradik di situ) nak berkongsi 3 ayat. walaupun ayat2 ni tersangatlah familiar tp nak kongsi jugak ;p

surah al-baqarah : 286

"Allah tidak membebani seseorang melainkan sesuai dengan kesanggupannya."

hebat kan? hebatnya ayat ini kerana datangnya daripada Allah sendiri. ditujukan buat sy, kamu dan semua umat Islam :) jika direflect balik segala dugaan yg terjadi dalam hidup sy, mmg sy masih mampu berdiri dan tertawa riang sehingga ke hari ini. sehebat mane pun dugaan yg pernah sy alami, sebanyak mane pun air mate yg telah sy titiskan, sy akui sy masih boleh meneruskan hidup sy dengan baik. hebat betul ayat ini. benar2 membuat hati ini tersedar. Alhamdulillah, Allah masih sayang pada sy. sy pernah diuji dengan kematian sahabat tersayang. betapa sedihnya hati ini melihatkan semua kejadian itu berlaku di hadapan mata sendiri. betapa sedihnya melepaskan seorang sahabat secara mengejut utk kembali kepada Sang Pencipta. sedih yg x pernah sy rasakan sebelum ini. sy merasakan itu adalah dugaan yang terhebat yang pernah sy hadapi. tapi, Allah telah berjanji dengan ayat di atas. dan alhamdulillah, walaupun kerap kali merindui arwah, sy masih mampu tersenyum. insyaAllah. hebat bukan, janji Allah? :)

surah ibrahim : 34

"dan dia telah memberikan kepadamu segala apa yang kamu mohonkan kepadaNya. Dan jika kamu menghitung nikmat Allah, nescaya kamu tidak akan mampu menghitungnya."

ayat ini pun merupakan antara kegemaran sy. Allah benar. mmg ape yg sy mohonkan daripadaNya telah sy dpt shingga saat ini. mari kita sama2 muhasabah diri. sy pernah berdoa agar Allah mengurniakan kpd sy straight As dlm upsr, pmr dan spm. Alhamdulillah, sy sudah dapat nikmat itu. dan sy pernah berdoa agar sy mendapat tawaran melanjutkan pelajran ke oversea. sekali lagi, alhamdulillah, syukur kepadaNya. mmg kalau nak dikira segala nikmat Allah itu sgt byk bukan? tp, mmg tak dapat dinafikan ada doa yang belum dimakbulkan.... jom kita tgk kenapa Allah masih belum makbulka doa kita... ;)

surah al-baqarah : 216

"tetapi boleh jadi kamu tidak menyenangi sesuatu, padahal ia baik bagimu, dan boleh jadi kamu menyukai sesuatu, padahal itu tidak baik bagimu. Allah mengetahui, sedang kamu tidak mengetahui."

jelas kan ayat kat atas ni? bukan apa yg kita nak tu baik utk kita. mungkin ia akan menyebabkan kita lebih jauh daripada Allah. mungkin sebb tu lah Allah masih belum memakbulkan doa kita. tp, jangan bersedih. sbb Allah kan Maha Mengetahui. mesti Allah akan gantikan dengan sesuatu yang lebih baik utk kita. sesungguhnya setiap yg berlaku ada hikmahnya kan...? :)

sy akui sy menjadi insan yg lebih baik lepas sy masuk kolej ni. kat sini lah sy belajar ape itu al-quran. kalau dulu, baca sekadar nak khatam. tapi kini, alhamdulillah, sy belajar untuk memahami al-quran. baru sy sedar betapa banyaknya kata2 motivasi dari Allah kepada sy, kamu dan semua umat Islam. walaupun sy bukanlah seorang muslimah yg baik, tetapi alhamdulillah sy sendiri dpt merasakan perubahan yg berlaku dlm diri sy. terase hati ini tidak kosong seperti dulu. insyaAllah, sy masih belajar dan masih mencari. cuma kadangkala agak terkilan dgn mereka yg menilai orang melalui luarannya. bukankah iman seseorang itu hanya Allah yang tahu? dan apekah hak kita utk menilai seseorang? peringatan utk diri sendiri juga. sy percaya walaupun amalan kita sikit, tapi kalau istiqamah, insyaAllah besar ganjarannya. sy tahu nak berubah itu sgt susah. byk dugaannya. bukan setakat dugaan dari syaitan tp jugak dari manusia yang suka "menyakat". dan sy seingkali berdoa kpd Allah, tempatkanlah sy di mana sy beroleh kekukatan utk berubah. insyaAllah, kalau itu yang terbaik :)

:) >>> :S

2011-02-16T20:01:00.002+08:00

first of all... i'm going to make this entry as short as possible :)

alhamdulillah i've passed the iumc interview. alhamdulillah. i was expecting to be rejected but then, when we talk about rezeki, then this is it. i feel bad for those who are not being selected. i feel really sad for my friends because i know that they deserve it n they are more interested in becoming a doctor. unlike me. i just only have 1 reason why i wanna go to ucd badly. i just wanna make jannah's dream comes true. n i wanna go to manchester just as badly as i wanna go to ucd because i'm a die hard fan of manchester united fc. n i dun really mind if i was being selected into any other universities as long as they practice integrated system. that's all i wished for. but, then He knows what is best for me.

but, to be truth at the moment i got the news, i already felt the burden on my chest. how am i going to meet the requirement. as for me, an ordinary student, i feel that the requirement is too high for me. too difficult. n i dont want to lose this opportunity just because of my IB result. so, actually getting this news doesnt make me happy or sad. i'm just being grateful yet worried. but, insyaAllah i'll just try my best. jannah, this is for u :)

abah n mama, i will promise to work hard, but i cant promise u that i'll meet the requirement. so please dun pot ur hopes high :(

till then, bye :)

2011-02-11T15:12:00.002+08:00

salam :)

a week of flu-sore throat-fever-cough. i did nothing much except sleeping n completing only the assignment that is very2 important. as usual, when i'm sick, i look really like a loser =.=" idk y but, i just couldnt stand illness even if it is just common flu. to make matter worse, my roomate are having the same prob too. i'm feeling better now, alhamdulillah. but, she's getting worse ;( i'm disappointed not being useful to her as her roomate :( but, my pray will always be with u, friend. insyaAllah.

oh yea. this week is kinda stupid for me. i had to walk quickly to class since i've been marked by dr. sai last week. HAHA. i used to come late to school. i'm not punctual AT ALL. hehe. it's a bad habit. i just dun like coming early because i dun find it beneficial for me. but, starting this week i have to. because i dun want to be labelled as bad student. as for me, if u want to do something bad, make sure not to be caught. i can remember those days in secondary schools. i think it was almost everyday that i have to write my name as the latecomer. n even my name was being highlighted showing that i was among the 'top students' back then. HAHA. but, dun get me wrong. this is only applicable to the school stuff only ;p

what else?? hmmm... submission of ee n tok is just around the corner. cant describe the feeling. excited, relieve n nervous i think. excited because these things finished successfully by my own effort though i know that Allah is always ease my burden when i was at the verge of breaking down. but, well the main point is these are my own production. hopefully, it paid off. n i feel relieve because i've been haunting by this assignments n i hardly focus on my studies because i keep on trying to improving them but end-up doing only a few changes in a few hours. those wasted time should be filled with studying n completing hw. n i also feel nervous because of the plagiarism thingy. i know that i have done all the citation but, it is very risky as long as we used the information from the internet. hopefully everything's fine. insyaAllah.

there are about 2 months before i have my final ib exam. OMG seriously, i'm not prepaing anything yet! ;S insyaAllah... He will not burden me with anything beyond my ability :)

till then... bye~

2011-02-05T10:18:00.002+08:00

salam :)

i'm currently in jelebu; my brother's house. it's chinese new year again! :D
happy chinese new year to my chinese friends; u kow who u're :) may this new year brings more glory n prosperity to u guys!

talking about chinese new year, i have 1 thing to be shared. since i enter kmb, i have friends of mine who on occasion saying that i'm kind of having the chinese-look. when i first heard that, i was like uikkk??! i'm too chocolate to be chinese! =.= but then, after a few times, i was immune LOL. my brother who is more chocolate than me (i guess) often be mistaken for chinese too. even the real chinese couldnt tell that he's a malay n even spoke in chinese with him XD i think it's because of his eyes. his eyes are not as small as mine but, at one look u can tell that he has the chinese-look.

as for me, i have small eyes aka sleepy eyes with double eyelids but often be mistaken for single eyelids. i think even my chinese friends have bigger eyes than mine.. LOL. but, i like the way i look :) but saying that i have the chinese-look doesnt make sense i guess ??? anyway, since i was in primary school i always dreaming of having a chinese-look husband LOL arent they look cool ;)

i need to go. till then, bye! :)

january

2011-01-27T23:09:00.002+08:00

salam :)

this month is kinda hectic for me. it's not because the fact that we have a lot of hw. but, the thing that caused me to almost cry in front of my ee advisor is because i have to reedit my ee AGAIN n AGAIN. i hate to hear when people say that doing malay is easy. it's certainly not easy for me. i dun know how many times i have edited my ee n at this time i only have 1 wish which is i really want my final draft to be accepted :'(
i cant focus at my study most of the time because of this ee thingy. every night i would open my ee document n start to think of a better way to edit it n in the end it turns out that i spent the whole night editing only a few parts of my sentences. while others might have start revising sem 1 topics, i'm still struggling with my ee. it's kinda pathetic and depressing for me. the exam is just around the corner n i couldnt catch-up with my studies except for maths. i think. this is so disturbing =.=

anyway, forget bout all this whining

i wanna wish the best people in my life happy birthday!

1. mama

i'm studying hard because i love u. it's not because of i wanna be a doc. the truth is i wanna be an engineer. but, well He knows better. insyaAllah. ur dream is mine too. forgive me if i have not make u proud all this while. i'll try my best for my final year. insyaAllah.

2. sapit

hey, bro. i love u the most among along n angah. to be truth, i felt left out when they got married n i have only u as my friend at home apart from mama. but, i know that because of studies, we got busy n end up not having a warm conversation like we used to. but, i hope that u'll spend ur time with me when i'm home. i know we're busy but, i missed those all moments when we used to joke around. i hope i'm able to study overseas because i know u gonna miss me like how i felt when u went to korea. wish u all the best in ur studies. how i wish to tell u that i'm proud of u n i wish that i can do well in my studies like u.

3. friends born in jan ;p

hey, u guys are great friends of mine. i hope this friendship last forever. insyaAllah. i have 1 friend that i admire the most in my class. i think if u happen to read my blog u know who u are ;P she got all the qualities to be a good friend n big sis. i envy u so damn much ;p keep up the good job, beb! bashita! ;p
wishing all of u best of luck in ur studies. insyaAllah we can make it through together.

i wanna write a lot since i have many things in my mind but the time wont allow me to do so. till then, bye!

reflection

2011-01-22T07:43:00.003+08:00

salam :)

currently at home. yup johore. my college had water n electricity problem. alhamdulillah because of that problem, it gives me the reason to go home :)

although it's only for 2 days, i'm grateful enough to be at home. actually, it was a bit suffocating staying in college lately. LOL. that's y i need time to clear things up :)

this is my final sem. i really hope that i can perform well by achieving a minimum requirement set by mara. but, as for my own goal, i hope i'm able to get at least 37 points including the bonus points. insyaAllah, gonna work hard.

what else ya? oh, i have a new resolution! gonna prevent myself from doing sins. a must! if i'm unable to do good deeds i hope that i'm able to prevent myself from doing any sins. insyaAllah.

one more thing, i wanna thanx my rumet for being by my side n keep on uttering the positive words for last week(she did this all this while but, this time it's really leave a mark in my heart ;p ). thanx a lot! thinking about the time when we gonna part soon, i wish i could hold my tears :')

that's all i think. gonna do my homework. i hate this. bye ^^,

interview

2011-01-20T14:33:00.004+08:00

salam :)

for u who wanna know about my interview process last tuesday, here it is

there are 2 men, i think they're the lecturers. 2 of them might be from ucd, galway or cork. i'm not so sure which 1 they represent. my friends said they are Dr. (i knew this fact on the next day =.=)

A is the one with blonde hair n B is the one with black hair. B is more handsome than A ;p

A called my name n greet me first. then, i walked into the room n met with B.

A : please tell me about ur family
me : firstly, my name is bla3... my dad works as a lecturer n my mother is a housewife. i have 3 olde brothers, 2 sisters-in-law, 2 nieces n 1 nephew.

B is looking at my CV

A : so, how about ur brothers? what do they do?
me : 2 of them are engineers (?) n 1 of the is in his final year doing engineering
A : oh, so u come from a family with engineering background. what makes u wanna be a doc?
me : *pause* if u wanna hear the sincere answer, i would say that it's my dream since i was a child. before this, during my sem 2 break, i did my hospital attachment n i was able to
witness the birth of 3 babies. it was an amazing experience n since then, i was inspired to be
a doc.
A : oh, it must be wonderful then.
me : yeah sure (?)
A : ok, that's all the questions from me. Mr. B will continue asking u questions. thank u.
me : thank u sir
B : *looking at my CV and interested by my motto : dont stop believing n never procrastinate*
i like this. ur mom must be proud of u. so far, are u still following this?
me : *grinning* haha i can say yes, i still follow my motto (?)
B : so, why do wanna go to ireland?
me : well, ireland is the most friendly country in 2008 n 2010. n i think today, i found it's true. hehe. besides that, ireland was ranked 6th in global peace index while malaysia was ranked 22nd. so, even ireland is more safe than my own country. hehe. as for me i think that if we wanna study abroad, we want to feel like home. so, i guess the irish could help me if i'm facing difficulties etc. n i believe that it's a good environment to study if u have people who can motivate u n help u (?)
B : ya ya *nodding* ireland is a safe country. u will be having no trouble. so, what u which field u wanna specialize in the future?
me : i would love to be a gynaecologist
B : y gynaecologist?
me : *talking about my experience during the hospital attachment* form my observation, i think it's good if more women are involved in this field. because... well, u know, right?
B : ya.. ya.. it's for the patient so that they'll feel more comfortable. so, what do gynaecologist do?
me : basically, the deal with female reproductive system. n some of them are also obstetricians.
B : do u know what obstetricians do?
me : yes. they oversee the pregnant women, take care of them n also presence at the child birth.
B : so, from ur hospital attachment, i'm sure the doctors are good doctors. what are the
qualities u see in them?
me : ya, they're good doctors. basically i see that they have a very good communication skills.
B : why do u think the skill is important?
me : it's important because doctors must know how to tell bad news to the patient. doctors are not just curing patients but, they also need to motivate the patients so that they'll never lose hope.
B : *looking at my CV again* so, u've been to haemodialysis centre. could u tell me more about
what u learned?
me : *OMG! he do not suppose to ask this question! i learnt nothing!* ya, i learnt a lot. basically, i learnt a lot about how the machine works. n i also learnt a lot about the kidney problem. but, i was not allowed to come closer to the patient since i'm not yet in this field. but, i had chances to communicate with them n motivate them (?)
B : oh.. good. so are they many people with kidney failure in ur hometown?
me : yes. because bp has a very small population but the patient in that haemodialysis centre was too many. they all come from different parts of bp =.="
B : so, what cause kidney problem? *suddenly 2 of them become too interested to know my answer*
me : *pause* hmmm... *trying to remember what i learnt in bio. ADH bla3* basically, if u drink less water, ur body will have difficulties to excrete waste product from ur body. so ur kidney have to do a lot of work. eventually, u will suffer kidney problem =.=
B : *nodding* do u have senior in ireland?
me : yes, i have 1 in RCSI
B : what did she tell u about ireland?
me : it's a nice country. she said that she rather lives in ireland than in malaysia *lying* hehe
B : oh, really?? she must love it
me : yeah, she loves it alot
B : of all ur volunteering works, which 1 do most proud of?
me : i would say that the 1 i did in langkawi
B : y?
me : it's because we organized it by ourselves. as for me, i need to travel from bp to kl n then fly to langkawi. all by myself. n the organizers are all the same age as me. at that tym we were just 18/19 but we managed to do it all by ourselves. besides, in langkawi we did volunteering works in the orpahanage centre. so, looking at them, i am grateful to be what i am now. most of them lost their parents n because of that they did not interested to study because they have nobody. it was kinda disappointing looking at them (?)
B : so, do u have any university that u intend to go?
me : yes, i would love to go to ucd
B : y ucd?
me : *pause* hmm... i know the fact that all of the uni under iumc are great universities. but there's only 1 reason y i choose ucd. but, i dunno wether or not i shoud tell u the reason
B : please, u do
me : *pause. holding my tears* remember that the volunteering works that i did in langkawi? at that time, there was 1 incident happened. *holding my tears n unable to talk longer* i have 1 friend. she was with me doing the volunteering works. she died during that time. n she really wanna go to ucd. n i wish to fulfill her dream.

A & B look surprise.

B : i'm so sorry
me : it's ok
B : so, later on where do u wanna work? is it in malaysia?
me : as for me, i dun really mind. because doctors are supposed to serve people. so it doesnt matter wether they're from my country or not. i dun mind
B : ya *nodding* ok i think that's the end of the inteview. thank u *smiling* is there anything u would like to know?
me : *stammering* how do u assess us? are u deciding right after we leave this room?
A : oh no no.. dun worry. it's a fair system. dun worry
me : can i know the criteria?
B : it consist of everything... the interview, ur grade, cv, everything. all we did is just giving
comments on ur interview. n barbara will be the 1 who choose u all.
A : u should tell barbara (the representative of iumc in malaysia) that u really wanna go to ucd badly because u wanna fulfill her dream.
me : but barbara already stated that unless u have relatives in that uni the u can choose that uni
B :*surprise* but u should try
A : yeah u should try. u never know unless u try
me : *touched* ok *smiling* tq

A & B stands up n we shook hands

B : it's nice to meet u
me : thank u. it's nice to meet u too. thanx for ur time. *walk away*
B : let me open the day for u
me : *hehehe gentleman* oh, thank u

*END*

basically i did not do my best. i know i can do better. but, it's not bad. just so-so. they are so nice. really! best experience ever! now i'm tawakkal :)

at first they were 50 places for us (80+) but the next day we receive an email saying that they were so sorry to tell that the places had been reduced to 25. but, because of we were impressive during the interview, they might increase to 35+ but, still less than 50. so, more people will be not selected than those who are lucky. this is really a shocking news. some of the girls were crying. i managed to hold my tears. thanx to beloved roomate n friends. insyaAllah, He knows better what's best for us :)

a love letter for u

2011-01-13T01:12:00.003+08:00

salam :)

i wanna dedicate this love letter to my friend. a special friend of mine. u know who u're if u happen to read my blog ;p

u always said to me that u once believe that none of ur friends stay by ur side sincerely. u once told me that u had best friends but all they did were just backstabbing u. n because of this bitter experiences, u hardly believe anyone.

let me tell u something :)

do u still remember the first tym i met u in this college? yup, during the registration day. to be precise, during the tym when we queued up to get the room key. i was so nervous back then. i have nobody that i knew in this college. i was alone representing my former school. n so did u, the only person from ur batch. during the orientation week, i wasnt me. i mean that i'm a bit friendly n talkative because i want to make friends as early as possible. i've never been the first person to talk to strangers. it's some sort like againts my principle ;p n surprisingly i approached u first. u might think i'm a boring person because i did not response well n basically, i did not know how to talk XD i remember that i talked about plkn with u LOL

n then we're fated to be in the same block, in the same wing, or i can say that we're very close in distance. my mom told me to be friendly with everyone so that i can get a lot of friends. she knows me better :) n she once told me that i must love n take care of my friends like my own siblings :)

n to be truth i was grateful to be ur friend. n i still am. from months to months, i think u learn about myself. maybe during the orientation week u already discovered that i'm a quiet person. sorry to say ;p we're very much differ in many aspects.

we get a long very well i guess although there are times when silence is occupying the space between us :) thanx for still be my friend at that moment. u must be having a difficult situation to bear with a person like me ;p

there are a lot of significant things that i want u to know. but, i believe that these thing wont ever came out from my mouth till this last semester.

do u still remember the time when i text u to inform that we've already lost our beloved friend in an accident? at that moment, i really need u by my side n thanx for doing so. for the first time i travelled home alone by flight n i knew everything's gonna be find because i have friends like u.

do u still remember the time when we were not talking to each other for an unknown reason? i was totally not focused in the class the next day. n because i'm too scared that i might lose another friend, i text u saying that i'm so sorry for my mistakes. n u replied it quite a few hours after that. did u know that while waiting for ur reply i was thinking that u did not accept my apology? n did u know that once u text me saying that it was fine, i cried because finally it was settled? n did u know that when i received ur cake during the recess i burst into tears again because i'm so happy? :)

do u still remember the time when our placement was out? the 2nd name that i was eager to find was urs. i prayed hard that u'll be getting a place in uk as u wished. n when i found out that u get twinning program instead i was really sad knowing how u'll feel. n we had some event in the hall during the evening. i text u asking for ur placement right? i knew but i pretended not knowing because i want to see ur reaction while replying my message. i was near u at that time, at the next rows. i was thinking very hard on what to do when i see u after that event. i burst into tears again thinking on ur how difficult is the situation to u. i was a stupid friend back then not knowing how to comfort u. all i did was whispering a fighting spirit in my heart.

do u still remember the time when i got fever? i left the class during the recess n thinking on getting on my bed. i was really pathetic every time i got sick. n a few minutes later, u arrive to see me. u take a good care of me. preparing a hot pack, wet towel and offer to make a drink. i was so touched until this moment. thanx a lot for doing the things that only my mom did before this. n i still remember that at 1 morning, ur blanket was covering my body. i woke up n thinking on when did i borrow ur blanket. n knowing that u covered it up for me as u saw that i was freezing during the night, i couldnt ask any better friend than u :)

i still remember that during the tym when u got fever. i couldnt do the same thing to u :( all i did was making sure that u take the panadols. during the night, i was too worried n i slept a bit late to look after u. n i was thinking on ur poor health condition - asthma, headache, backache. i kept on thinking on what i could do besides perform a dua for u to get better. i did not find an answer n slept in disappointment on myself.

n this evening, u told me a story about ur classmates who went to the camp. n u told me that u finally realised that ur classmates love u. u said that u finally can defend them if there's any person who talk bad things about them. this is the reason why i write this to u. currently, the time is 2.30 am n i have heavy subjects tomorrow but i insist to write. i want u to know that in this world, u have me as a friend who loves u because of Allah. u're never alone since the day u enter this college because at the first day, i'm already stayed by ur side sincerely, not hoping for any returns :)

a better person

2011-01-13T00:29:00.003+08:00

salam :D

alhamdulillah, i feel so much better this week :) i got my strength n my fighting spirit back :))

thanx a lot for ur dua dear friends. i've never felt so terrible before. i've never felt like a real loser. n finally it happened. i was so frustrated with my performance in the 3rd sem. the pressure was piled up n 1 thing that i wanted to do was going home and crying loudly. couldnt hold it any longer, i phoned my mom. hearing those motivational words, i was unable to speak at all. i was just agreeing everything. i know my mom knew that i was crying silently :') thanx mom for ur wise words. i'll try my best n wont easily give up.

i went to udang's room after that. n i burst into tears again. i couldnt hold my tears when somebody is trying to comfort me. so, whenever i cry in front of u, please dont ever trying to comfort me. lend me ur shoulders instead or just stay by my side n give me a pat :)

every time i want to cry, i wont let it happen in front of my roomate. y? it's not because i dun trust her. but, deep in my heart, i dun want to affect her mood as well. seeing her going home every week, i already know what kind of person she is :) i've never seen her crying in front of me too but i know exactly when she's crying. i can tell it no matter how hard she's trying to hide it n at that moment, doing nothing but whispering a fighting spirit in my heart, it hurts me a lot. i should be a better roomate :'(

that night, for the first time i cried in my sleep. i was just too fragile at that moment. all i wanted to do was going home. the home where i left my heart. on purpose. ;p

thanx a lot dear friends for giving me moral support n showing me ur concerns :') may Allah bless all of u. i wont be strong without u guys :) u know who u're. special people in my heart :)

all i want to say is i'm getting better n so dun worry about me. at least, at the moment :)

till then, bye!

saddest day of all

2011-01-07T20:14:00.003+08:00

salam.... :)

i feel really bad for unable to update my blog since the holidays. that already shows how well i manage my time ;p first of all, happy new year~~! still not too late rite ;D

i have been facing a lot of trouble lately. i'm so stress until i couldnt cry. i'm so disturbed until i feel that He shows me that's how it should end. my mind keeps lingering and i'm becoming so negative and i can say that my motivation is currently at a very low level.

my sem 3 result is very poor. although sem 3 exam is normally the worst nightmare for everyone, looking at some of my friends who can even score 7 for bio and malay, i couldnt stop from being sad. i think i'm just too stupid for this program ;(

i have unknown problem with my friend and i really dont know what to do since she's never give me a proper chance to solve the problem ;(

i have a big problem with my future. if before this i was having a mindset that i'm not born to be a doctor or even i'm not born for this program but then, this problem is like telling me to stop right here at this moment. the mara students had a meeting with their sponsor and we were told that the loan repayment had been increased to 25%. yes, i'm not receiving a full scholarship. i'm receiving a convertible loan with a 10% repayment. that was a few days ago. currently, it has been increased to 25% due to recession and the 3 times increment of the university fees for the uk students. ;'( can u imagine that? the fees for the full course in ireland is about 2 million and 25% of it would be 500k. how am i going to repay this if i'm fated to die at early age?

so, from now on, dont regard me as your friend who's doctor-to-be. please dont put any burden on my shoulder. i beg on u. ;(

i'm ok to terminate my scholarship and i'm ok to change my course since medic is just a very small dream that's just ok to not be ignored. but, i'm thinking of my parents, i'm so scared to tell the truth since i'm going to shatter their dreams... ;'(

sorry for being pathetic. that's me after all. i need ur dua to stay stronger, friends.

i have an interview with the ireland professor in 2 weeks time. i hope i can do well though i really am dont know what am i going to be in the future. may Allah be with us. salam :)

love

2010-12-15T20:11:00.002+08:00

salam~

NO! keep reading until the last word. i'm not going to share about my love story. as if i have any~ bhahaha

i've been doing blogwalking during the holiday. and to my surprise, most of my friends wrote on love. some were sharing about their love stories, some were talking about how beautiful falling in love is and some just asked me whether or not i got a special boyfriend. the last one gives me real goose bump. it was more creepier amongst all =.="

fine. what's wrong being so called conservative n narrow-minded? i'm 19. i'm not going to married this soon. no offence. but for me, i wish not to date. insyaAllah. when the time comes, when i've found my imam, i wish that i'm ready for marriage. n then, i'm going to date with him for the rest of my life. insyaAllah. nothing is wasted, everything is 100% for him ;)

to be truth, jeng3. i admit that i have a crush on someone ;) i think that's a normal thing as girls are made for boys. but, i never talked to him or meet him in real. i did but that was a very long tym ago. i know. n that's y i'm trying to eradicate the feelings because it's wrong.

rasulullah s.a.w said :

"sesungguhnya Allah Ta'ala telah menetapkan nasib anak Adam mengenai zina. Tidak mustahil dia pernah melakukannya. Zina mata ialah memandang. Zina lidah ialah berkata. Zina hati ialah kenginan dan syahwat, sedangkan faraj (kemaluan) hanya menuruti atau tidak menuruti"

thinking about the opposite sex who we have crush on means that we're already committing zina hita. nauzubillahi min zalik.

this is a good dua if u already have someone special or u just broken up for good sake :

"ya Allah, seandainya telah Engkau catatkan dia akan menjadi teman menapaki hidup, satukanlah hatiya dengan hatiku, titipkanlah kebahagiaan di antara kami, agar kemesraan itu abadi. Dan ya Allah, ya Tuhanku, yang Maha Mengasihi, seiringkanlah kami melayari hidup ini ke tepian yang sejahtera dan abadi. Tetapi ya Allah, seandainya telah Engkau takdirkan dia bukan milikku, bawalah ia jauh dari ingatanku. Ambillah kebahagiaan ketika dia ada disisiku. Dan peliharalah aku dari kekecewaan serta berikanlah aku kekuatan melontar bayangannya jauh ke dada langit, hilang bersama senja nan merah agarku bisa berbahagia walaupun tanpa bersama dengannya. Dan ya Allah, gantikanlah yang telah hilang, tumbuhkanlah kembali yang telah patah walaupun tidak sama dengan dirinya. ya Allah, ya Tuhanku, pasrahkanlah aku dengan takdirMu. sesungguhnya apa yang telah Engkau takdirkan adalah yang terbaik buatku kerana Engkau Maha Mengetahui segala yang terbaik buat hambaMu ini."

followed by this dua :

"ya Allah, cukuplah Engkau saja yang menjadi pemeliharaku di dunia dan di akhirat kelak. dengarkanlah rintihan hambaMu yang dhaif ini. janganlah Engkau biarkan aku sendirian di dunia ini mahupun di akhirat kelak sebab itu akan menjuruskan aku ke arah kemaksiatan dan kemungkaran. maka, kurniakanlah aku seorang pasangan yang beriman supaya aku dan dia dapat membina kesejahteraan hidup ke jalan yang Engkau redhai. dan kurniakanlah kepadaku keturunan yang soleh dan solehah. amin ya rabbal alamin."

insyaAllah. dun afraid that u'll grow old alone because everything is written in Luh Mahfuz. believe in Him for He knows what is the best for us :)

dun let love takes over all of ur heart, dear friends. at least leave a bigger portion for Him if u cant give all. till then, adios amigos!

hijrah!

2010-12-14T22:37:00.002+08:00

salam~

it's been quite awhile since my last post. salam maal hijrah! hopefully, this new year will encourage us to do more good deeds. insyaAllah. as for me, i wish to overcome my ego that has been the only barrier for me to improve myself. being away from kmb is very challenging. i believe that most of us agree with me. even if i hate, ib, kmb n ibo for the rest of my life, there's still one reason y i know that this is the best college for me. kmb teaches me about life, to be specific islam. i admit that i'm among those people who dont go to daurah. i've my own reasons n i hope they're strong enough.

i'm the kind of people who loves to find the solution by myself. in maths, i'm the one who never give up in trying to find the solution to the known answers. i'll try my best until i found out that i've wasted my tym because i can easily get the solution if i ask my teacher -the expert. however, i know myself better. if i easily give up on trying to find the solution, later on i will easily forget what the teacher had told me.

i know this might be the wrong way to learn. but, so far it works well for me. at least, i work on it. insyaAllah.

i said earlier that being away from kmb is very challenging. y? because i hardly being discipline. but, alhamdulillah i still manage to not abandon my quran. i dun want to be the old me. it was terrifying to imagine my life before this. i was too far from islam. too pathetic. i'm still learning to strengthen my iman. insyaAllah. life is tough out there n i'm easily got influenced by people around me. my improvement may not be significant to others but, i'm grateful enough that Allah knocks the door of my heart. making me realize how i was too far from Him. subhanallah. n in kmb, He grants me with great friends who always remind me of Him. i know i might not be able to have this chance if i wasnt stepping my foot in kmb 1.5 years back.

"but perhaps you hate a thing and it is a good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. and Allah Knows, while you know not." [al-baqarah : 216]

a nice verse indeed. insyaAllah, i'll try my best not to become the old me.

2010-12-06T22:49:00.004+08:00

salam~! :)

sem 3 suda berakhir

ape yg boleh dkatakan hanyalah ianya merupakan suatu pengakhiran yg mengecewakan

sy rasa betul2 x perform sem 3 ni

Aku sadar bukan mudah
Untuk mengejar mimpi indah
Pernah suatu ketika dulu
Ku punya harapan besar
Kini aku tak pasti
Dapatkan ku miliki

sy mngharapkan ada seorang kwn yg dpt nyanyikan verse bawah ni kpd sy

Sudah jauh kita tempuh
Kekalkanlah impian lalu
Mungkin ada hikmat
Yang akan menunggu
Di penghujung jalan
Biar nanti kecewa
Setidak-tidaknya mencuba

Jika halangan menduga perjalanan kita
Janganlah kau putus asa
Karena ku ada di sisi setia menemani
Andai semangatmu gugur
Genggamlah tanganku
Kita hampir ke situ

Adakala ku terasa
Ketabahan tak setegar
Tetapi apakan daya
Berhenti separuh jalan
Percayalah padaku
Aku yakin kita mampu

Biar orang katakan
Rapuhnya harapan
Bukan mereka tentukan lagi
Kau ada aku dan aku punya kamu
Amanlah akhirnya tetap bersama
Oh…

i need to regain myself... till then~ :)

2010-11-21T00:52:00.002+08:00

salam~ :)

pagi besok sy akan berangkat ke pekan banting kesayangn pelaja2 kmb... =.=

ni menandakan bermulanye waktu utk sy merempit setiap subjek dgn penuh penyesalan

memandangkan cuti seminggu mmg x digunakan dgn baik! T_T

ckp ttg cuti kali nih, teringat sy waktu cuti qurban sem 1 :)

hajat di hati xnak balik... kunun nak study kat kolej... hahah

pulak tuh sy siap berjanji dgn ibu n jannah utk study same2

but, in the end i broke the promise n went back to bp

meninggalkan ibu yg agak berang dgn decision sy

dan jannah yg agak redha mase tuh... heheh

cepat betul mase berlalu tnpa kamu di sini

assignment yg sgt byk dan sgt2 menguji kekentalan sy sbagai pelajar IB

sdikit sebanyak mnjadi distraction kpd sy drpd terus merindui kamu

bukan sy mahu melupakan kamu jannah

tp sy tahu bukan rindu yg kamu minta bukan?

insyaAllah, selagi mna sy mengingati kamu

selagi itu sy akan titipkan doa buat kamu

beberape hri yg lpas, udang tua pn mula berkongsi

dan syukur alhamdulillah, sy gembira krana air mata yg slama ini ditahan2 tumpah juga

tepat tekaan sy, kami smua sgt2 merindukan kamu.... :'(

sy sgt merindui kehadiran kamu d bilik sy dan kd

spnjang ketiadaan kamu

tidak pernah sekali pn sy dan kd

membicarakan soal kamu

tidak pernah sekali pn jannah

dan kd sering mncuba mnjadi kuat utk sy

seingat sy tidak prnah dia menangis d hdpan sy kecuali semasa menonton video kamu

itu pn sy trpaksa keluar bilik krana langsung x than melihat kamu yg masih bernyawa waktu itu

betape lemahnya kami utk menerima ketiadaan kamu

smuanya masih sgt2 jelas

kenangan dan tragedi itu bagaikan silih berganti

smpai ke hari ini sy masih x percaya yg sy menyaksikan sndiri tragedi yg meragut kamu dr kami semua jannah....

sukarnya hdak brdepan dgn realiti ini

smpaikan bilik kamu hanya mmpu sy pandang stiap hari :'(

smoga aman kamu d sisiNya!~

al-fatihah~

2010-11-20T01:48:00.006+08:00

salam~

exam is just around the corner

alhamdulillah i managed to finish IA, EE, n TOK in the first 2 days of the holiday

so, i have enough tym to study... SUPPOSEDLY

but, the thing is... i have enough tym to be wasted too~

n so, u can imagine that ;p

but, hey... i did open the question banks n read up some chemyy~~~ ;p

btw, i found a nice article to be shared...

got it from fb... thanx to u! :)

read up ok!

Bila belum siap melangkah lebih jauh dengan seseorang, cukup cintai ia dalam diam ...
karena diammu adalah salah satu bukti cintamu padanya ...
kau ingin memuliakan dia, dengan tidak mengajaknya menjalin hubungan yang terlarang, kau tak mau merusak kesucian dan penjagaan hatinya..

karena diammu memuliakan kesucian diri dan hatimu.. menghindarkan dirimu dari hal-hal yang akan merusak izzah dan iffahmu ..

karena diammu bukti kesetiaanmu padanya ..
karena mungkin saja orang yang kau cinta adalah juga orang yang telah ALLAH swt. pilihkan untukmu ...

ingatkah kalian tentang kisah Fatimah dan ALi ?
yang keduanya saling memendam apa yang mereka rasakan ...
tapi pada akhirnya mereka dipertemukan dalam ikatan suci nan indah

karena dalam diammu tersimpan kekuatan ... kekuatan harapan ...
hingga mungkin saja Allah akan membuat harapan itu menjadi nyata hingga cintamu yang diam itu dapat berbicara dalam kehidupan nyata ...
bukankah Allah tak akan pernah memutuskan harapan hamba yang berharap padanya ?

dan jika memang 'cinta dalam diammu' itu tak memiliki kesempatan untuk berbicara di dunia nyata,
biarkan ia tetap diam ...

jika dia memang bukan milikmu, toh Allah, melalui waktu akan menghapus 'cinta dalam diammu' itu dengan memberi rasa yang lebih indah dan orang yang tepat ...

biarkan 'cinta dalam diammu' itu menjadi memori tersendiri dan sudut hatimu menjadi rahasia antara kau dengan Sang Pemilik hatimu ...

NB. Postingan temannya Aldiansyah
(Share by: Arytha Rusianty)

so, if u've fallen in luv with somebody... pray hard that Allah will let u meet the right partner... :)

the one u like doesnt necessarily able to make u happy n lead u to the right path rite... so, lets pray that He will let u meet the right person! :)

at the age of 19, i'm sure we've thought a lot about almost every single thing rite? heheh

one thing i would luv to say... life is tough! till then~~

2010-11-13T00:31:00.002+08:00

salam~

i know there's something unsettled

i have no idea what to do

i'm too tired to think of the solution

it's happening again n again

revolving around the same person

i broke my promise again

i'm too tired...

too tired till i can no longer bear with it

it's getting worse day by day

the laugh n tears we shared together

i hope there is still left for tomorrow

it's so hurtful~~

2010-10-29T23:53:00.003+08:00

salam... :)

wahai encik blog yg sgt hensem, hari ni sy nak membebel...~~

sy ade terlalu byk keje utk dibereskan... mahukah kamu tahu??

sy kena buat 4 IA econs... walaupun dah siap 3, tapi kena edit itu ini dan ianya sangat menyedihkan
sy kena edit TOK essay untuk kali ke 3... dan sgt2 menyedihkan jugak, sy rase masa yg dihabiskan utk buat essay ni mmg x berbaloi... blh x baru baca ayat ke 3, dah ada salah di situ dan kiranya sy kena reedit the whole essay... :(

sy kena edit EE jugak... nih xtau la utk kali ke brapa sudah.... penatnya Allah saje yg tau... sape kate buat MALAY lepak, acu try test la buat!

dan.....! lab report BIO utk sem nih kena redo... ya REDO! w'pon sy admit mmg salah kami sbb copy each other tp sesungguhnya itu jelah yg mampu kami buat

dan jugak tadi baru dpt portfolio MATHS... haishh nih pn kena redo jugak... dahla each section due date within 1 week... huuu haru gila~

next week n the next 2 weeks ada oral test utk MALAY & ENG... nih bukan yg mcm sekola ye harap maklum... malay kena kaji sajak yg entah ade brapa byknye & novel... eng pn novel... ckp dlm 15-20 minutes... ckp mentah2 lame woo... sudahla kena hafal byk aspek2 sastera cam jenis2 gaya bahasa tuh smua.... huhuhuhh~~

ok tuh aje... mmg nmpk je mcm skit an... tp bukan senang utk dpt the best mark utk assignment2 tuh... dah la contribute to final exam.... :( skrang sy dah tepu, xtau nak buat apa...

sy kena belajar utk stop complaining... sbb tu la Allah jadikan sy manusia yg x byk ckp... hahha...

ok , sekian... bye2

2010-10-19T20:42:00.002+08:00

salam~

life's been good i guess :)

we got exhibition on ireland for the iumc-bound student

basically, ok la

though, it was seriously stressful dealing with people who are irresponsible

i'm super duper disappointed n so did ketty while aishah was trying to control her temper all the day

nvm, patience is virtue~ :)

i've learnt a lot in kmb especially regarding friendship

idk, mungkin Allah uji sy agar terus mencuba mnjadi sahabat yg baik... entahlaa...

bosan dan malas dan x larat nak layan kerenah semua org...

x sabarnya nak kua kmb... hehe

semoga d luar sana sy ditemukan dgn sahabat2 yg x menyakitkan hati... =p

what else?

hmmm... study masih ke laut

hehe... sy tgh mengumpul mood study

exam is just around the corner

insyaAllah... semoga dipermudahkan

ohh ya

masih lagi belum buat solat istikharah... haishh ape nak jadi la

camne ye perasaan mama abah kalau sy nak tuka course? hehe

bio bio bio... kurang menarik minat sy subjek yg perlu hafal2 nih

i'm more interested in numbers

tp Allah lebih mengetahui kan....

mungkin sy belum nmpak lg hikmahnya... :)

till then... adios!

2010-10-12T01:07:00.002+08:00

salam~

lama jgak x menulis kan

mcm biasa, blog ni sememangnya tmpat meluahkan perasaan

sgt penting bg sy yg x dpt mengekspresikn mlalui kata2 =)

sy xtahula

sy seorang yg bermasalah atau sem 3 ni benar2 menguji ketabahan sy?

mcm2 sgt dugaan

sakit sgt, sedih sgt, dan bertimpa2 dugaan tu dtg

rasa cam luka yg ditabur garam

dahla sakit luka, tabur garam pulak lagi

pedih gilaaa!!

sem 3 nih Allah uji sy dengan hubungan sy dgn rakan2

ternyata tett tuttt tettt tuuttttt tuttt!

sy sgt penat

penat nak jaga hati org n in the end sy pulak yg disakiti

dah lama sy pk masalah ni

hmmm

sy rasa the best solution adelah dgn meletakkan jurang di situh

biarlah... xde guna pn buat baik dgn org yg xtahu mnghargai org lain

biarlah sy yg mengalah dan pergi scara pelan2

lagi pn lepas abis ib smua kan berpisah jgak

so, x kisah la kan... lg baik sy biasakan diri dr skrg :)

n skrang ketidakminatan sy pd subjek bio smakin memuncak

kemalasan juga smakin menggunung

arghh ni lagi gilaaa

camne nak jd doc? huhuhu

mmg pn bukan nak jd doc sgt~

sedih gila.... sy sgt benci menghafal!!!

nasib baik ada maths....

kalau x sy rasa blh jd gila [ini serius]

dan sy selalu sgt terpk apekah course ni bukan utk sy?

ape mungkin bole tuka course?

huhhuhuh sy sgt nak tuka course

darah engineer ternyata mengalir dlm diri ini

tp harapan mama abah lagi besar

huuu ya Allah tetapkanlah hati ku pd yg satu ini

mungkin kena bykkan solat hajat

hmmm skrg x blh nak tdo pulak

besok ade test econs dan sy x sntuh lg section 5

sy x nak baca!! sy x nak hidup sy bertuhankan kerja2 sekolah, buku2, hw, etc

xde life langsung la camni

IB ni mmg cacat la

sy rasa komunikasi dgn family pn makin berkurang

asyik buat keje x sudah T_T

rindu zaman kanak2 hepi je kn....

tp yg xleh buatkan sy nak tdo bukan sbb econs

tp sy risau dgn rumet sy

sakit kepala daripd smlam

hari ni muntah n still sakit kepala

risau betul

semoga kamu dijauhi daripada sebarang penyakit berbahaya, rumet :(

kamu sdang tdo tp tgn kamu kdang2 masih pegang kepala

sakit lg agaknya... :(

maaflah, sy xtau nak buat apa

hanya doa yg blh sy minta dariNya... :(

till then~~

2010-09-30T21:11:00.002+08:00

salam~

alhamdulillah result ielts dah pun kua

cukup2 makan je 7.0 saje

tp bersyukur sgt sbb x kena repeat n lepas requirement ireland

byk perkara nak tulis tp

biarlah sy ringkaskan

tahniah buat sahabat2 yg pass interview acms-galway-cork =D

happy sgt utk korang

lepas sudah 1 halangan

congrates again rumet, imah, fiza, umi, pika, nabila n lain2 jgak!

sy baru je chat dgn k.una, kakak jannah

nyata air mata ini masih x dpt diseka

sudahla x dpt pergi baling T_T

maaf rakan2, sy sndiri terkilan

tp x mengapa kan

doa kita Allah terima x kira kta kat mana pn kan =)

serabut gila buat assignment

till then.... bye!

2010-09-16T19:46:00.003+08:00

salam... ~~

salam aidilfitri maaf zahir batin =)

still not too late rite? hehe

syawal kali ni xde bezanya dgn tahun2 yg sudah, cuma sedikit 'malap'

happy jumpa sedara mara, main bunga api d kmb pn best jga =p

cumanya rasa sedih mngenangkan ramadhan yang berlalu

alhamdulillah, Allah izin sy merasai nikmat bulan ramadhan

mmg best wooo... ^^,

sy takut akan mula dan terus leka

bila syaitan mula dibebaskan

dahla diri ini sgt mudah terpengaruh =.=

dan sy sudah menunjukkan bukti2 ke arah itu =(

harus kuat! harus hebat! bak kata aimi... insyaAllah...

syawal kali ni juga sgt menyedihkan bg sy

nyai sudah tiada, pulak tuh sy dpt berita psl sorang cousin sy yg drug addict

astaghfirullahal azim.... sedih sgt rasa

2 hari sblum raya, ziarah kubur nenek & atuk yg x blum prnah sy kenal =(

pagi 1 syawal jg mcm biasa, ziarah kubur nyai & yai

rasa sebak sgt2 terkenangkan arwah jannah

dan air mata ini x blh lagi disekat

sjak akhir2 ni fikiran sy slalu sgt melayang

selalu sgt terkenangkan arwah

kenangan2 manis dgnnya, mukanya, senyumannya... semuanya

rindunya.... rindu sgt2... x dpt diungkapkan rasa kerinduan ini... ='(

sy berang bila mama bukak balik cerita langkawi dkat sedara mara yg datang

sy marah sgt tp sy tau brdosa...

dan air mata ini skali lg x mampu disekat

cukup lemah diri ini bukan? sy mmg sgt fragile, sy tahu itu

[sigh] salam~

2010-09-04T19:46:00.002+08:00

salam~

B A L I N G

ade ape dgn baling???

sy sgt nak pegi baling....!

sy sgt nak ziarah family dan pusara arwah

tp....

sy 98% sure parents sy x izin kalo sy mnta izin

dan sy x habis pk perkara nih

dr kmb smpi masuk keta smpi sy dah smpi bp smpi dah tdo 1 mlm d umah

sy masih x habis pk

dgn kenevesan menunggu result ielts yg x kua2

mmg sy kena kumpul byk duit

bukan utk pegi baling je

tp utk backup kalo ielts fail

repeat ielts kena 500+ woo

cukup duit mara bagi utk 1 sem =(

tp...

by hook or by crook

sy mmg AKAN PERGI

ya Allah... permudahkanlah urusanku... =')

2010-08-29T08:46:00.002+08:00

salam... =)

bersiaran langsung dr rumah... hehehe... sy balik cuti nuzul al-quran... homesick kekdahnye =P

kejap lg nak bertolak balik ke banting... hmmm cam xde perasaan pule... hahaha

semalam sy bace blog sorang sahabat ni... postingnye berkenaan kerinduannye pd arwah jannah...

sy bace ni sebelum subuh.... syahdu je... =') pastu, terdetik la dlm hati ni, "bestnya kalau dapat mimpi jannah... rindu sgt2" ntah bile, sy pn tertido... dan Allah izin sy mimpi jannah mase tu... seronok sangat... =) mimpi ni lain sbb jannah seolah-olah datang melawat sy yang sedang tido tadi... dlm mimpi tu ntah macam mane ade pule si aimi oreng yang same2 tdo dlm bilik sy... hahaha =)

mimpi tu rase alive sgt n saye cerita dkat jannah smua benda yg sy nak cite dkat arwah mase kat kolej... pasal hw, ielts, interview, family M09B... smua2 lah... seronok sgt2... tapi dlm mimpi tu, jannah x cakap ape2 pn, dia senyum je... kerinduan nak tgk senyuman arwah terubat jgak... =) yang sy igt sgt sy ade ckp camni... "jannah janganlah risau, orang kat sini selalu doakan jannah, sedekahkan yaasin buat jannah" jannah x cakap ape jgak, senyum jee... =)

lepas da cakap2 tu jannah pn nak balik... dia klua ikot tingkap tp in a proper way lah... n pastu disappear... huuu sy ade ckp jgak "oh, kalo nak balik kena kua ikut tingkap ek?" heheheh.. pastu sy pesan "nanti jannah datang la lagi... " huuu.... lepas tu sy bangun solat subuh... salah kiblat pulak tuh... =.=" heee, alhamdulillah... x kesahla mimpi ni betul ke x an tp yg penting hati ni terubat juga dpt 'jumpa' n 'borak' dengan jannah...

terima kasih ya Allah kerana mendengar doa hambaMu ini =')

2010-08-13T16:47:00.003+08:00

salam~

semalam da kua result placement....

heee alhamdulillah, sy dpt iumc, ireland dgn sahabat2 yg lain jgak... =)

w'pon placement ni is not really a guarantee tp at least sy rase smakin hampir utk menggapai cita2 arwah utk ke ucd... insyaAllah...

w'pon rata2nye mereka hepi dgn placement tuh, tp sy slalu ingatkan dr sndiri jgn terlalu gembira n jgn terlalu menaruh harapan. bukan nak bersikap tidak bersyukur tapi apa2 pn boleh terjadi. nauzubillah.... tp everything is possible rite?

n on monday nite we were having malam srinkandi muslimah or something lyk that lah... heheh

n we performed nasheed dedicated to jannah... n as being expected b4 the perfomance, we cried after the nasheed.... idk y tp rasenye mcm finally, dpt lepaskan rase kerinduan yg teramat sgt... i hate being weak but i guess it's me after all....

semalam

"semalam kita seriang kicau burung camar

mengharapkan bersama ku dibelai manja

di saat itu ku kesepian keseorangan

kau tiada lagi derai tawamu hilang ditelan masa

kini kau dan aku jauh terpisah

entah bila dan di mana kita kan bersua

kau kudoakan agar bahagia

di samping yang esa kau diredha selamanya"

2010-08-07T13:18:00.002+08:00

salam... =)

yesterday was a very memorable day for me... we [roomate, classmates n i] went to sunway pyramid for ice skating! ^^,

i enjoyed laughing at them... hahahaha.... when one by one started to fall down, it was totally hilarious... XD

i treasured the tym when were holding hands n skating together... n when we tried to help each other though the one who lend a helping hand were the one who felt down first... ehehehe

i wonder when are we going to do this again... though most of the time i kept thinking on how fun it would be if Jannah was around... =) it must be wonderful enough for all of us...

n sorry for those who felt down n especially the one who bumped into the wall because of me... i can say that i did it on purpose ;)

what is ice skating without falling down, bruises n such? =P

i hope that we can do this kinda activity again to strengthen the bond that ties our hearts together... to u guys, uhibbuka fillah! stay healthy! =)

p/s : my body is currently in so much pain! i felt like an old lady =_="

2010-07-30T16:36:00.000+08:00

salam~

sy sndiri x begitu faham ape yg sebenarnye terjadi

yg pasti sy gagal mnjadi sahabat yg baik

sy gagal berpegang pd janji sy

ya Allah

berat dugaanMu kali ini

sy mintak maaf sgt2

sy terlajur kata, sy gurau berlebih-lebihan

sehinggakan sy x sedar sy dah buat kwn baik sy terasa hati

ya... kalaulah dia tau sy anggap dia kwn baik sy slama ini

ya Allah

sy benci dgn ego sy yg melambung nih

smpaikan susah sgt perkataan maaf nak keluar dr mulut ni sndiri

smpaikan segala2nya melalui sms

mungkin dia x tau

dlm byk2 kwn d kmb, sy paling syg dia selepas arwah

maaf kalo sy x adil tp sy hanya manusia biasa

mungkin dia jgak x tau

dlm byk2 kwn d kmb, sy paling x bleh biarkan dia terasa ati dgn sy

tidak walau sedikit pn

kalau sy guriskan hati dia, sy yg akan menangis

mungkin dia xtau

sy slalu berdoa semoga persahabatan ini berpanjangan

dia rumet terbaik, sy sgt bersyukur

smlm mata ini basah lagi

mungkin dia xtau

sy sgt menyesal dgn stiap tndakan sy

mungkin pd dia, prkara ini kecik je

tp pd sy pkara ini sgt besar

sbb sy dah berjanji

janji sy pada jannah

sy xkan ulang perkara lalu

tp sy gagal ='(

sy dah mensia2kan pemergian jannah

buat kamu,

sy mntak maaf sgt2

kamu sahabat terbaik

sy yg slalau x mnghargai kamu

mntak maaf sgt2

sy akan perbaiki diri sy

insyaAllah

smoga kamu sntiasa brada d bwh lindunganNya

cukuplah jannah seorang yg pergi dr sy

sy sgt2 x mmpu untuk kehilangan mana2 sahabat lagi

2010-07-25T00:02:00.002+08:00

salam~

haaaaa.............. sedih =.="

sy mngalami msalah hati...

sy tersuke seseorang... T_T

rase nak lempang2 diri sndirik...

asal la senang2 je nak suke org...

die naqib tau x!

sy ni dah la jahil gile...

apekah!

i'll get rid of this feeling asap!

sy prcaya dgn janji2 Allah... insyaAllah... =)

2010-07-16T15:38:00.004+08:00

salam.... =)

ya... nmpaknya semakin kerap blogging! apekah tiada kerja sekolah atau pun sy sgt sabar bertarung dgn berokband siput ituh?

hehehe... sebenarnya sy berade d library... gile laju internet! woot! =D

hari ni sy nak dedikasikan lagu nih buat kamu.... yup... kamu... =)

semoga kita semua tabah dgn dugaan Dia... iA...

Segenggam Tabah

Bertali arus dugaan tiba
Menakung sebak airmata
Namun tak pernah pun setitis
Gugur berderai di pipi
Tidak ditempah hidup sengsara
Suratan nasib yang melanda
Menongkah badai bergelora
Diredah bersendirian
Bagaikan camar pulang senja
Patah sayapnya tetap terbang jua
Sekadar secicip rezeki
Buat yang sedang rindu menanti
Segenggam tabah dipertahankan
Buat bekalan di perjalanan
Kau bebat luka yang berdarah
Kau balut hati yang calar

Telah tertulis suratan nasibmu
Derita buatmu ada hikmahnya
Terlukis senyum di bibir lesu
Tak siapa tahu hatimu
Biarpun keruh air di hulu
Mungkinkah jernih di muara
Biarpun jenuh hidup dipalu
Pasti bertemu tenangnya

dan buat kamu juga wahai sahabat... sy mungkin kurg jelas dgn masalah kamu tp sy harap kta smua terus tabah.... sy rase sem 3 nih mmg benar2 menguji sy... thanx for those who concern... sorry for troubling u guys especially mama abah... m so sorry tp farah rase farah x blh nak pendam lagi... farah tau mama abah risau sgt2 bila tau condition farah yg sebenarnye... =( iA... i'm going to bounce back.... thanx for those dua... =)

2010-07-15T03:47:00.002+08:00

salam...

ya Allah... rasenye xtau dah nak buat ape dgn diri sndiri...

lately, sy sgt2 demotivated... sgt2...

sy rase semangat sy utk study dah 95% hilang...

sy rase sgt 0...

sy dah peduli pasal hw... sy dah mls nak concentrate dlm kelas...

sy malas nak pegi kelas... sy rase nak give up skrg...

sy betul2 hilang arah... sy penat dgn smua nii...

sy bosan... sy muak... sy rase sia2...

sy sedih sgt2... sy kecewa dgn sikap sy... :'(

ya Allah... berikanlah kekuatan kpd hambamu ini...........................

2010-07-14T21:09:00.002+08:00

salam...

ya Allah... hari ni rase sangat x tenang...

sy rase mcm da kehilangan seorang sahabat... ='(

sy harap ni cuma perasaan sy je...

ya Allah... i can no longer afford to lose any friends after her...

sahabat... andai kate sy puncanya, i'm so sorry...

mungkin sy trlepas pndang silap sy...

i'm so sorry...

2010-07-09T15:51:00.003+08:00

salam... ~~,

hari ni baru submit borang placement...

sgt pening gaban nak pilih country n uni... (nmpak sgt xde arah tujuan =P)

sbenanye mmg x kesah sgt kena cmpak kat mana2 pon...

tp last sem rasa berminat nak pergi ucd...

prnah bace blog senior yg cite psl ucd nih... rasenye mcm sesuai dgn dri sy

tp yg lebih mnguatkan ati ni nak pergi ucd sbb sy nak smbung cita2 arwah... insyaAllah...

pulak tuh ucd pnye teaching style integrated n bukan fully pbl... so, ok lah kot...

td pilih 1st choice ireland - iumc n 2nd choice UK - cardiff n leeds

ok ni sgt kelakar.... sy rase mcm x pernah terdetik nak plih uk sbb yelah uk nih sinonim dgn bdak2 top je... tp pernah la bercita2 na pergi manchester sbb sy die hard fan MU semata-mata! =p tp sadisnya, manchester nih fully pbl... T_T

tp ntah nape sy pilih jgak uk tuh.... hehehhe... rase mcm tgh gambling my future jek =.=

tp xpelah... sy xdelah nak mengaharap sgt... yelah sy bukanlah sehebat student lain... tp sy percaya kalau ade rezeki tuh x kemana.... insyaAllah...

tym na hntar borang tuh... rase sedih jgak... sdih sbb x lame je lagi masing2 dah nak pergi ikut pilihan masing2... huuuu sedihnya.... nnti dah x lepak sama2.... x makan sama2... x mereng sama2.... ='( n once kta separate it'll nvr be the same again.... yup...

hmmm tp nak buat mcm mana kan... this is life... =) insyaAllah... smoga kami smua berjaya!

sy masih merindui jannah... sgt2... sy masih menangis tgk vid jannah... tp smakin hari sy smakin kuat.... insyaAllah....

ohh ye..... nak mmbebel skit pasal sem 3 nih... Allah je yg tau betapa sy sudah physically n mentally exhausted... dan suda agak demotivated jgak skrg.... sy rase sgt2 penat dgn workload yg menimbun n deadline yg x putus2... lepas satu... satu... sy xtau nak ckp dkat sape... sy rase sgt lesu lately.... sy tau smua org rase bnda yg same that's y lah sy mls nak share dgn kwn2 kat sinih... sy tau smua org da ckup terbeban =(

xpelah... inilah cabaran belajar... tp sy besyukur sy masih lagi mampu mereng kat kelas... sy baru sedar sy sgt susah nak concentrate dlm kelas... hahahhahaha... maaflah rakan2, sy selalu kacau korang pnye concentration... =P sy akan cube untuk stay focus dan duduk diam2 je lepas nih.... hmmm...

ok, bye2... sy nak buat ee...

2010-06-29T01:38:00.003+08:00

salam~

ya Allah... smpai saat ini saya masih belum boleh adapt dgn pemergian arwah... ='(

makin lama makin terasa rindu yg amat sangat...

ketiadaan arwah sgt2 drasai... sy rase bilik ni dah kekurangan pengunjung tetap...

alhamdulillah asilah masih rajin lepak dgn kami...

stiap malam mmg sy akan terpandangkan bilik arwah... teringat dulu, blh dkatakan tiap2 malam msti arwah datang blik sy dan kd... ='(

terima kasih along... bg pnjam bantal tuh =) kalo ikotkan ati mahunya jadi hak milik tetap =P

tp sy phm semua org rindu pd arwah... =)

ntah bila sy mampu mnjadi kuat... ntah bila sy boleh jadi tabah... ntah bila sy mmpu sekat air mata ni...

~al-fatihah~

2010-06-20T21:08:00.003+08:00

salam~

apekah mengupdate blog d kmb? =P

yup... actually i'm kinda lost words to write for my ee 1st draft.... so, i thought maybe after a new posting here would help me to continue writing for my ee.... hehhehe

i've already got the result...

so.... hmmm... me myself dun understanding the feeling at the moment... hahaha

bcos it consists of too many emotions...

somehow i feel lyk Allah creates the miracle for me... =)

alhamdulillah.... i got 35 =)

improved a lot here n there though bio sucks gaban! ='/

deep in my heart there is a feeling of sadness cos i only need another 1 point to make me eligible for honor roll T_T i hold my tears until now but i think it's just about time... i really wanna dedicate the success to my parents n my friend, jannah but then, i failed... sorry sgt2 abah, mama, jannah... ya Allah... rasa bersalah sgt2! ='( it's very painful to be lyk this... trying to sound ok with the cool face... trying to be not affected... i hate being lyk this... ='(

iA one day~~.... sy tahu Allah melihat pd usaha bukan pada hasil... ya Allah bimbinglah diriku ke jalan yg benar... semoga diri ini sentiasa redha dgn segala ketentuanNya...

~al-fatihah buat arwah jannah~

2010-06-14T17:14:00.002+08:00

salam~

i dunno what's wrong with me today... i feel empty... rasa betul2 xde semangat... rasa dada nih sesak sgt.... sy sgt moody hari nih... sy rase nak marah org2 kat sekeliling nih... sorry dear friends... =( somehow i wanna be alone... i really need time for myself... ya Allah semoga sy cepat recover... dah negatif sgt fikiran nih... i feel lyk quitting IB now... ='(

2010-06-11T10:15:00.003+08:00

Hijjaz - Kau Sahabat Kau Teman

Telah tiba saat waktu kau tinggalkan kami
Kerana takdir yang Maha Esa telah menetapkan
Sedih rasanya hati ini bila mngenangkan
Kau sahabatku kau teman sejati

Tulus ikhlasmu luhur budimu bagai tiada pengganti
Senyum tawamu juga katamu menghiburkan kami
Memori indah kita bersama terus bersemadi
Kau sahabatku kau teman sejati

Sudah ditakdirkan kau pergi dulu
Di saat kau masih diperlukan
Tuhan lebih menyayangi dirimu
Ku pasrah diatas kehendak yang Esa

Ya Allah,tempatkannya di tempat yang mulia
Tempat yang kau janjikan nikmat untuk hamba Mu
Sahabatku akan ku teruskan perjuangan ini
Walau ku tahu kau tiada di sisi

Perjuangan kita masih jauh beribu batu
Selagi roh masih di jasad hidup diteruskan
Sedih rasa hati ini mengenangkan dikau
Bagai semalam kau bersama kami

Moga amanlah dan bahagia dikau di sana
Setangkai doa juga Fatehah terus kukirimkan
Moga di sana kau bersama para solehin
Ku sahabatku kau teman sejati

td k.ann tnye psal arwah... sy masih belum pulih sepenuhnya... rindu sgt2 kat arwah... ='(

lagu ni sgt mendalam maknanya... sy rase xnak balik kmb~~

sy ingt ni smpai bila2 "kta kena jd manusia yg berguna.... manusia yg berguna beri manfaat kat org lain" iA

2010-06-11T00:26:00.003+08:00

salam~

today's post going to be a lil bit different from the posts before...

i'm going to write bout love... erkk yup! it's always sound gegeli for me =.=

i just read an article bout premarital love in islam...

n there are actually lotsa people 'coupling' (tutop air! bukak air! hehehe) out there as if it is not sinful at all... hmmm... n some might argue that it is ok as long as they know how to control themselves by not holding each other's hands, not seeing each other or even not calling/messaging each other or etc... in our culture, we often heard that love is "DARI MATA TURUN KE HATI"... or something like that lah kan...

but, how bout 24 : 30 & 24 : 31?

n so DARI MATA? y we're needed to lower our gaze? because DARI MATA jga bermulanya zina... n have we forgotten that there are 3 types of zina : zina mata (memandang), zina lidah (berkata-kata) n zina hati (keinginan & syahwat) ? so, by not holding each other's hands, not seeing each other or even not calling/messaging each other or etc, can we still prevent ourselves from committing zina? i doubt that... =)

so... think about this over n over...

premarital love is NOT forbidden if u can prevent urself from committing the 3 types of zina...

butakan mata, butakan hati & bisukan lidah... if so, betullah CINTA ITU BUTA... =P

however...

premarital love is forbidden if u cant prevent urself from committing the 3 types of zina...

bolehkah kta butakan mata, butakan hati & bisukan lidah?

ape kate tuan tanah ini pule?

as for me, i'm trying myself not to get involve with this kinda lovey-dovey situation... i'm not being superior here but, i really am trying my best at the moment... =)

i know that we're made for each other - man n woman... n like other girls, i also wanna have my own family one day... looking at my besties who have already had a special one, deep in my heart i once felt jealous of their happiness... who doesnt wanna love n being love rite? n like other girls, i also have my own imagination of my future husband... hahahah but, it's very normal rite... =)

n after being taught the right thing n after seeking the truth... at first, i was wondering "how am i going to marry then?" hahaha... jannah said to me, we must have faith in Allah... Allah knows what's best for us... i agree but sometimes there are too many questions in my mind n i hate myself for that reason =(

iA... berdoalah semoga kta dipertemukan dgn jodoh yg terbaik & semoga perhubungan itu adelah brlandaskan ajaran islam... =)

it's very difficult... i know that.... n what makes it more difficult is when our society doesnt practice the right thing... so, it looks like we're doing the wrong thing because it opposes the society... =(

i'm always remind myself to doa so that i'm not into this pre-marital love... i dun wan it to happen this way... lets the hero meets the parents... it'll be so sweet =)

but, it's not impossible for me to get involve too because i'm just a typical girl with many flaws... but, i really2 hope that i can prevent myself.... iA... sy jga ingin pergi dgn wajah yg tersenyum sprti jannah... =) iA!

2010-06-10T19:42:00.002+08:00

salam~

sy menulis post kali ini dgn penuh rase keberangan dan kedukacitaan~

mcm beselah kalo cuti sem, msti meronggeng area bp... summit, carrefour, bp mall, n segala mcm shopping centre akan sy ziarah... =P

td lepas ambik sijil spm, pegi la singgah mkn kat area tasik y tuh...

alkisahnya, mate nih sgt sakit tgk mereka2 ituh berapat-rapatan, berpegang-pegangan, bermanja-manjaan dan segale mcm aksi yg segegeli dgnnya...

ade pulak sorang minah ni pakai baju gile seksi sehingga menampakkan belakangnya... iye, sebahagian drpd bahagian ituh tnpa seurat benang... apekah?!

tetibe terpndang rakan perosak kat sbelah die... senior akuh rupenye! =.="

memndgkan sy seorang yg sgt x dikenali d sekolah dlu, make sy telah berani mmberikan jelingan kuasa kuda dgn percume kpd nye... hahaha... ade aku kesah? =P

mereka2 mmg telah membuatkan sy kehilangan mood utk menikmati bihun tom yam yg agak sedap ituh...!

pastuh, pegi pulak bp mall... sy mmg suka mengimarahkan surau di situh... hahahah (rumah dgn bp mall x smpai 7 minit! tp sy sanggup solat d bp mall =.=" )

ok suasana d sini lagilah mantap.... huhuhuh

ramai gile bdak2 ingusan yg kononnye tahu ape erti cinta ituh... kecewa lagi d sinih melihatkan bangsa sy sendiri... yg berkapel 1 hal, yg berpakaian x senonoh 1 hal, yg berpeleseran smpai di angkutnye adik2 kecik 1 hal... =.="

sy baru sedar mmg byk masalah besar dlm masyarakat kta... terima kasih kmb! =P

kalo dulu, jujur sy katekan sy juge berpakaian tdak senonoh... w'pon bertudung, baju kdg2 x mengikut ape yg Islam anjurkan... sy x katekan yg sy sudah berubah totally mnjadi "baik" tapi sy masih usaha... duduk dlm masyarakat yg sebegini mmg sgt sukar bg sy utk berubah... sgt2 sukar... tambahan pula family sy hanya biase2 saje... tp sy sgt bersyukur Allah kurniakan sahabat2 yg mndekatkan sy kembali kpd ajaranNya d kmb... =) sy harap ape yg sy usahakan x berakhir d tgh jalan... byk sgt kejahilan dr ini yg perlu diperbetul... terlalu banyak... sy akan terus berusaha...!

sy sgt bersyukur jgak sbb Allah jdikan sy seorang yg x byk ckp dan agak pemalu di sinih =.="

dgn 'kelebihan' inih sy dpt membataskan diri drpd bergaul dgn lelaki...

sy baru sedar setiap ape yg Allah jdikan utk sy ade hikmahnye... yup! sgt2 bersyukur...

mungkin kalau sy seorang yg peramah dan kurang pemalu, sy mungkin akan tergolong dlm mereka2 d atas jgak... bertepuk-tampar tnpa rase malu, berdua-duaan & bergaul sesuke ati...

sy xnak jd mcm nih 1 ari nnti... =S tp hari nih sy rasekan sy sudah mmpunyai sedikit keberanian utk bergaul dgn rakan2 lelaki... dan sy sgt2 takut sy akan melampaui batas... tp sy akan cube utk elak...! bak kate along "harus hebat!" hehehe...

maaf.... tone dan penggunaan bahase agak aneh! sy sedang bertempur dgn world lit! =.="

sbb tu lah sy lebih prefer gune english... sgt aneh d sini ye...

ok bye2~

there'll be another post related to this post soon... =)

2010-06-10T14:24:00.002+08:00

salam~

just came back from haemodialysis centre for CAS...

basically, i learnt something here n there...

although i think most of the time i was doing nothing but pretended to have interest in kidney =.=

so, most of the time i just read all the books regarding kidney.... heheh...

n alhamdulillah patience being paid! =P

already got 15 hours in my hometown... whee

but, what makes me somewhat disappointed is when i see that most of the oldies were being accompanied by their maid... n not their children... =(

i'm afraid that one day i'll do the same thing... =S

when u're too busy to treat others n u forget ur own family... *sigh*

it's not impossible rite?

hopefully, i'm capable of being responsible towards my family till the day Allah take me to where i belong =) insyaAllah...

2010-06-08T18:22:00.002+08:00

ya Allah...

sesungguhnya sy masih terlalu rindu pd arwah...

rindu yg teramat sgt....

perpisahan ini sgt menyakitkan ya Allah...

sy rindu pd senyumannya... sy rindu gelak tawanya...

sy rindu segalanya ttg arwah...

ya Allah...

betapa singkatnya saat perkenalan kami....

sy kehilangan seorang sahabat yg mendekatkan diri ini kpd sang Pencipta...

pemergian itu x seharusnya diratapi... sy tau itu...

tp sy dah cube sedaya upaya...

sy x boleh lupa kenangan bersama arwah...

arwah teman sy yg sgt special...

ya Allah... rindunya pd hambaMu itu...

sy bersyukur sgt2 Allah izin arwah jd sahabat sy....

sy gembira sy dpt blajar byk benda dr arwah...

arghh.. sy benci jd selemah ini...!

ya Allah... aku bersaksikan sgala kebaikan arwah... semoga segala kebaikannya dibalas dgn keselamatannya d sana ya Allah... ameen..

2010-06-05T20:43:00.002+08:00

salam~

sy sedih... sedih teramat sgt... bukan sy x redha pemergian arwah Jannah tp bg sy perpisahan yg terlalu mengejut ini sgt sukar utk sy hadapi... masih lagi terbayang2 keadaan arwah mase dlm keta.. saat itu, hati sy kuat mngatakan arwah sudah pergi.. tp sy tdak putus2 berdoa agar Allah mmberi kesempatan kpd arwah utk kembali bernafas...

stiap waktu sy terkenangkan saat2 manis bersama arwah.. arwah sgt2 baik.. smua org tahu itu... sy sgt sayang arwah lebih drpd rakan2 lain... maaf tp mmg inilah hakikatnya... sy kenal dgn arwah waktu d inteview mara lagi... Allah izin, kami dtakdirkan mnjadi classmate.. mulanya, sy agak x tahan dgn kepetahan dan volumenya ketika brcakap.. =) Allah izin, sy jadi rapat dgnnya... sy sedih krana kehilangan seorang sahabat yg sering mmberi peringatan ttg tanggungjwb terhadap Islam.. Ya Allah... hati ini terlalu merindui arwah... ='(

-arwah suka lepak bilik sy... kalau ngantuk terus die tdo kat katil sy... kadang2 sy geram sbb die bwk virus ngantuk kat sy dan kd...

-sy suke curik2 pakai slipa arwah sbb selipa arwah best.. ringan je.. selipa sy licin slalu nk tergelincir...

-sy slalu ckp nk dpt placement kat india n arwah msti gelak2 n ckp die akn lawat sy nnti...

-arwah suke dkat 'pak cik' n pernah sekali tuh die bwk lari 'pak cik' g bilik die... die belikan brooch gmbar 'pak cik'.. sy suke sgt

-arwah ske big apple alien n besenye kd yg akan beli utk arwah... suke sgt die...

-sy dan kd suke ckp yg ktorang nak quit IB n continue g UIA.. arwah suke argue psl ni...

-kalo sy da tension study, sy suke kacau arwah kt bilik die... hari tu sy ckp sy nak smbung cite psl 'rumput dan slipa' tp x sempat....

-arwah selalu komen bile sy bukak lagu2 melayu... allergic dgn lagu melayu katenye... hehe.. sy pernah ckp one day sy akn buat die suke lgu melayu.... tp sume tu hnye tinggal kenangan...

-sy sgt suke sakat arwah... bg sy arwah seorang rakan yg sgt special... die mmg punyai tmpat d hati sy sjak dlu lagi... arwahlah kwn pertama sy yg bertudung labuh...

-sy sgt suke tangkap gambar arwah sbb arwah punye senyuman sgt comel n innocent...

-arwah slalu cite pasal family die, psal rumah die n yg paling x boleh blah.. arwah suke bandingkan baling dgn bp.. heheh...

-arwah slalu cite psal internet yg laju kat baling... psal ayam radix... pasal stokin belang2.. sy rindu itu smua...

-arwah slalu ajak g umah die... sy terkilan sgt2 sbb x dpt g baling utk pengkebumian arwah...

-arwah allergic.. hari tuh bibir die jadi cam bibir katun.. sy x tahan nk gelak tgk keadaaan die... slalu jgak badan die naik gegata...

-sy suke conteng tgn arwah lebih2 lagi kalau arwah tgh tdo kat bilik sy... hehe

-hari tu arwah pesan kat sy kalo g cameron, belikan die magnet peti sejuk... arwah suke sgt kumpul magnet peti sejuk..

-hari tu sy dgr lagu dgn arwah... kami je yg x mandi pantai.. sy rindu saat itu

-hari tu... pagi2 lagi arwah ckp nak jenjalan dgn sy je... sy gembira sgt dpt spent byk mase dgn arwah hari tu

-hari tu arwah ckp die nak hadiahkan sy stokin belang2 utk besday sy... sy rase mcm nak simpan stokin belang2 arwah tp sy rase lbih baik kembalikan pd kluarga arwah... ='(

-esoknya, sy hadiahkan bacaan yasin buat arwah... sy bace gune tafsir milik arwah... sy rase nak ambil tasir ini jgak tp sy takut kalau sy abaikannya 1 ari nnti... sy peluk tafsir tu sblum sy letak atas beg arwah....

-kat airport.. rakan2 bg update situasi kat sane... stiap kali msg masuk.. tiap kali itu jga air mate sy x henti2 mengalir... stiap kali mereka call, stiap kali itu jga air mate ini jadi smakin deras... sy sgt lemah waktu itu... seorang diri... tp sy kuatkan jgak diri dgn bacaan doa yg sy hadiahkan buat arwah...

-smpai je kat kl.. masuk dlm keta... sy terus peluk mama... xde ucapan langsung mlainkan esakan sy... sunyi je dlm keta tu... mama pn mnangis same... mungkin phm ksdihan sy

-hari ini sy d cameron... meraikan majulis pertuangan sepupu... meriah sgt kat sini... sy sengaje mngasingkan diri dan mlayan perasaan ini... sayu sgt hati ini...

-sy masih terkilan x dpt mghadiri pngkebumian arwah... sy nak sgt tgk wajah arwah yg tersenyum tu... tp sy pujuk hati ini dgn kate2 dr kd yg sy jga punye tanggungjwb sbgai anak... sy x salahkan parents sy yg mnta sy balik waktu tu.. sy phm mereka jga risau...

-pg tadi sy bangun... sy rase mcm semuanya mimpi... mimpi yg sgt tragik...

-sy masih x dpt nak teruskan khidupan dgn normal... sy tahu byk sgt hw yg x sentuh langsung tp sy x boleh buat skrg... fikiran sy melayang... hati sy terasa sgt kosong... sy benar2 terasa kehilangan...

-sy tahu knape Allah pilih aishah utk bersama2 arwah d saat2 yg terakhir sbb Allah tahu sy x tabah..

terlalu byk utk diungkapkan... terlalu byk... sy mohon agar kekuatan dan ketabahan mnjadi milik sy... sy mohon agar arwah bahagia d sana...

al-fatihah~

2010-05-30T21:21:00.004+08:00

salam~

wahhh.... it's been months since my last post!
i really miss blogging so much! T_T

n now... idk where to start... hoho... there are too many things i wanna write but i think it's better for me to summarize them up... ^_^

ok... sem 2 is finally OVER!
i think i did better than in sem 1 although there were too many silly mistakes =(

target before exam : 36
target after exam : 33 - 35 if i'm lucky enuff!

i learnt a lot during sem 2.... seriously A LOT!
n i know i've managed to improve myself academically, socially n spiritually
alhamdulillah.... thanx to dearest friends n not forgetting beloved roomate =)
without each one of u, i dont think i manage to change myself for a better person...
alhamdulillah.... i'm grateful for being able to know each one of u... =D

n during this sem... something happened
actually, a lot of things happen but, this one kinda really struck my heart =(
sorry, dear deskmate...
sorry for not letting u know my feelings =(
i'm always like this... keeping everything to myself n when i can no longer bear with it, i tend to hurt people around me... sorry sgt2... i hope we can get along like how we used to be... although i know it'll be awkward n difficult.... i'll work it out! iA....

what else.... hmm.. it think i wanna describe my dearest friends after almost 1 year being with them... ok.. i'm being EXPRESSIVE here... so, it may sound mushy-mushy... but, i only do this once in a blue moon.. n noway i'm going to tell this in front of u guys... hahahah..

KD - my beloved roomate, i heart u! =P we have qualities that very differ to each other... lol.. KD is a very warm, talkative, expressive, friendly, confident friend i've ever known... n because of that, inspiring me to improve - the qualities that she possesses =) i'm very grateful to have her as my roomate! someone who always reminds me of good things... n i'm glad that we become closer n manage to share a lot of things... thanxa lot for being able to accept me the way i am.. n sorry for not being a good roomate... sometimes, i think maybe that's y she's always going back every week.... =( sorry sgt2.. but, believe me although sometimes i seem not to appreciate ur presence but, deep in my heart i really am concerned... i just dont know how to be expressive =.= ok, enuff! it starts to sound 'gegeli'... hahaha... anyway, doa sy sentiase agar anda 'kembali sihat' & we both succeed! amin..

AIMI - she's my sifu! n i regard her as our kak long... i heart u!! =) u're matured n i luv that... hahaha.. she's a good leader with a good brain, very diligent n charismatic (i envy this =p) n what makes me respect her the most is her spirit in dakwah... kodok mantop!! n i'm always has the feeling that one day she'll become an important person... believe me.. =) u'll nvr know how much i respect n admire u =))

AZRINA - i think she's the most brianiac girls in our class... the most laid-back but she's always got high marks... ^^, u should be grateful rain! huhuh.... oh yea... she's crazy with suju... n even induced SAKINAH along! heee...

IMAH - the most cheerful n talkative girl! i think she never take life seriously... =.= lol... she's positive n optimistic! i find her when i wanna be cheered up! thanx imah for listening my prob.. =) oh btw, i missed the time when we do maths thru skype... hahaha.. i wonder when can we do it again? =(

SAKINAH - she's my another kak long =P confident n she has her own style! another charismatic person in our class... =) she gives me good advices n i love to turn to her when i'm down.... thanx for listening to each other problems n thanx for those tears we shared together... =) u're somehow my strength in class... i really hope we are classmates again!

JANNAH - ehehe... i think she's not matured despite the appearance... hahahah... another person who has high spirit in dakwah! =) friendly n very loud!... hahaha... thanx jannah for always reminds me of islam... n thanx for always visiting my room... she loves to give a sudden visit and quickly laid down on my bed... hahaha... we share 1 common thing : we love alien! (big apple =P)
thanx jannah! u add colours to my day!

ASILAH - i would say we have many things in common... hahhaha... she's crazy n love teasing people.. seriously... =.= n she really works very2 hard... i hope she got what she dream of having... =) she influenced me a lot... i think i've becoming more determined n crazy because of her... hahaha... anyway, that's us! =D

ATIN - she's unique! hahaha... seriously... the most determined person... she will do anything that come across her mind... anyhow, she's brilliant in maths... n other subjects too... but, of course maths's her priority... =) i love being with her... we laugh a lot... hahaha

AISHAH - we were very close n i hope we can still be very close again... i used to share everything with her... she's a good listener n a very good friend... i know u can succeed...
ur efforts will be paid.. =) sorry for EVERYTHING!

NASRAH - she's talkative n she talks very fast just like sakinah... i hardly understand what they're trying to say... hahahha... she always talks about her family... she's a good friend =)

KETTY - ketty! my best sabahan friend... huhuu... i heart u! i love talking to her n i really hope that we're still classmates for next sem! i love talking to her with sabahan accent... hahahha... nanakan kono? =P she's a good friend too n she always give me motivation when i'm depressed... thanx a lot! oh, i she's the source of every korean movies n dramas... =P

HAZIRAH - we love to call her kak pah... hahahaa... she love teasing my eyes! =.= but, neways... i heart u! i'm glad that we're becoming closer... at first, i thought that she's different... huhu.. it was wronged! she loves sleeping in the class... i know that =P

i love each one of u... deep in my heart... =)

i think that's all for today... i really am tired... till then~ =)

*i wont be doing this kinda post next time... its very yucks to be expressive... =.=

2010-02-16T01:11:00.002+08:00

i'm sorry for not being able to update my blog =(

again, i'm busy with so-called-college-life
okeyh, a short summary of sem 1

result = 32

very much disappointed
but, let bygones be bygones
i need to at least gain 35 for this sem in order to get placement in uni
sem 2 seems quite busier than sem 1
hell yeah!
lotsa assigments individually or by groups arise
nvw, i'll try best =)

till then~
bye2!

i miss blogging super duper badly!

2010-01-05T00:04:00.002+08:00

salam~

i dun think i have much time for blogging anymore
so, i'll make this one short

firstly, happy new year!
no new resolution for me =)
just wanna do my best n tawakkal

secondly, i'll be back to college by tomorrow
i dunno how to describe my feelings
it's so complicated

thirdly, please pray for my success =)
i'm in need ur doas

lastly, i'll be missing u guys n definitely home too!
lets do well! =D

GOOD LUCK!!!

2009-12-12T10:14:00.003+08:00

salam~

alhamdulillah...
i've finished my sem 1 on the last thursday
how fast time has passed
approximately 6 months doing IB
i still cant find the exact word to describe wut IB is =)

the hardship, the challenge, the hope, the burden, yada yada
i've tried my very best
i've done things to the fullest

sorry, dear mum! ='(
i'm not sure whether i can endure it anymore
it's such a burden for me
i thought that it's going to be ok
but, it seems to be ko

forgive me if i'm going to disappoint u...
maybe, i'm just not good enough
maybe i've too many weakness
thanx for all the support n doa

but...
i'm not going to stop struggling
not until u allow me to do so
even if i feel like dying
i'll always be strong

gambatte!!!

2009-11-28T17:00:00.003+08:00

salam~

i missed blogging!
now i'm definitely agree with :

IB = I'm Busy

i wonder if there's any words
that can describe how i feel at the moment
life has been cruel to me for the last few weeks

i feel like i have been isolated from the actual world
i feel like i have been putting myself into stupid things
which can totally affect my so-called-future

i've been facing tough days that i can never imagined before
i feel like as if i've been placed into a container n being compressed by an undefined factor
i feel very stress for every next day in kmb
i'm scared of the difficulties that i have to overcome
i feel like as if i'm living a fake life
a life of another person
it's such a burden that oftens succeed in interrupting my emotions
often it makes me bursts into tears

i'm currently at home =D
thank god for the golden chance

i promised not to go home before final sem break
but, i admit that i'm no longer strong
i'm becoming weaker by doing all things alone
i've lost faith in myself after i realized that my effort was unpaid

it was such a heartbreaking
i cried heavily
it was worse than the last time i had it

thank god, i have a shoulder to cry on
i'm very grateful to have loving n caring friends around me
who are always by my side
who prevent me from wrong doings
who really take a good care of me
thanx guys!

2009-10-29T19:49:00.001+08:00

salam~ =D

it's been a long time since my last post
sobs... =(

nothing much to write actually
my life's getting busy as time passes by
nevertheless, i'm grateful to have angels by my side!
thanx guys for cheering my days
love all of u! =)

although it's been a monotonous day
i cherish every single second in this so-called-college =)
to those who concern about me, thanx a lot!

till then... daa~

2009-10-18T02:15:00.007+08:00

salam~ =D

it's been quite a long days since my last post
well, nothing much to write basically
i finally made it to pekan banting! XD
thanx to beloved deskmate n her family for the transportation
i went with my beloved classmates, 5 of us
i think i can conclude that Banting = Bangladesh
INDEED!

anyway, i'm currently finishing my lab reports!
being alone in this small enclosed space accompanied by various kind of insects under the dim light while it's raining outside really make me feel scared!
at this hour, more than half of the residents in Blok D has already slept
i dun care anyway... i just love weekends! wheee!

later in the afternoon maybe, my parents will be visiting me
i hope they'll bring some pizzas =)

till then... daa~
take care everybody!

2009-09-28T20:19:00.002+08:00

salam~

i'm currently in my aunt's house in seremban
on the next day at 7 i'll be going back to kmb
i feel nervous n i dunno y
my beloved deskmate do feel the same thing too
weird isnt it? huhuhu

within 2 months there'll be final exam
i'm back with high spirit
wish me luck guys! =)

to the spm candidates especially my beloved GBS sister, yunt
good luck too... ! work harder in this short time... insyaAllah... =)

2009-09-20T23:13:00.002+08:00

~salam aidilfitri~salam lebaran~salam 1 syawal~ =D

walau...
langkah tak bertemu
tangan tak berjabat
ucap tak terdengar
mata tak bertentang

mohon maaf...
segala KEKHILAFAN
kerana ada tikanya...
mata silap memandang
telinga salah mendengar
lidah terlanjur kata
hati salah menduga

for things i did wrong
for words which might hurt
for jokes u cant take
n for advice u cant accept

1001 apologies
maaf zahir dan batin

2009-09-17T01:45:00.004+08:00

salam~ =)

current mood : emo

it's hard to believe that just in the blink of an eye, ramadhan is coming to an end. time seems to pass extremely quickly. frankly speaking, i dun really feel the bliss of ramadhan this year =(
my life has been revolved around books, assignments, revision n all the worldly thingy. anyhow, alhamdulillah i managed to get involve in tadarus n definitely tarawikh too.

college life has been really dull to me. hahahahah! i used to watch epl at around 2,3 a.m. but now at around 2,3 a.m. is the moment which i lay my body on the bed. tv used to be my bestfriend, never seen a day made me miserable but now, tv is my strong enemy, once seen feel like beating it up as it's wasting my time. i used to depend my life on handphone n internet but now, losing them dont affect my life at all. ohhh the best damn thing is books used to be easily covered with dust but now, my books are easily torn!

i used to think that once i manage to get bombastic result for spm i can definitely relax n do nothing much for my life but it was definitely a false thought. life become more complicated when i'm succeed. *sigh* . however, alhamdulillah during this ramadhan i learnt a lot of things that i know i wont get these from anywhere. it's been a tough ramadhan for me. during this ramadhan the tests n quizzes have been held at the college. it's just a stupid quiz but, i did take it very seriously. y? because i'm surrounded by hundreds of brainy students equipped with charismatic attitude n admireable abilities! i dun belong to any of those group thus it drives me to work harder to achieve something in the college. i've never thought that for the stupid quiz my hands trembling, my heart beating as if i just finished 400 m, n even worst i did cry after the quiz.

thanx a lot dear beloved friends who has been supporting me continuously even u guys are on edge too. n during this time we can hear various kind of scripts "hmmm saba ye..." , "saba weh... IB 2 taun je..." , "jom lari malam ni!", "tu laaa... nak jd doc sgt! hah rasekan!" lol...
we never meant it seriously but yeahh... life been really stressful here.

i know that most of us are still uncertain about our destiny. some of us maybe including me dont even know exactly y did we choose this path. yes! i wanna be a doc! but, i think its not a strong reason to keep me in this path. i know that my parents are proud of me but they dun even know that i'm really worried of their hope upon my success. lol. although i come from a quite well off family but i dun wanna rely on my parents' money forever. i wanna achieve something good for myself too. n i realize that the scholarship that support my studies are not fully mine. it comes from the citizens including the makcik2 kantin n pakcik2 guard too! it's such a huge responsibility to me. i keep on thinking whether i'm responsible enough for this. am i?

2009-09-15T21:36:00.003+08:00

salam~

i cant stand it anymore!

my love towards him grows stronger n hardly to resist!

(u may puke now =P )

he who has stolen my innocent heart

presenting...

RAIN aka JEONG JI HOON

^^V

i started to adore him during the full house phenomenon which was around year 2005 if i'm not mistaken
n after that i found out that he is also a singer
not just a normal singer but the superb one
what makes me liking him even more is his passion
the path that he took bring him to where he's standing now
he's an inspiring person to his followers (ME)
it sounds exaggerating but it's the truth!
it's not easy to succeed but his perseverance n workaholic attitude are remarkable
he's a good lad, a trend setter, an obedient son, a perfectly cute person...

that's my RAIN =P

if u happen to read my blog (wahahah) i just wanna thank u for motivating me n do pay a visit to malaysia =)

2009-09-14T21:00:00.003+08:00

I AM

2009-08-31T07:36:00.002+08:00

salam~

hi all... =)

i'm going back to banting today

i think it's still not too late to wish happy ramadhan to all muslim friends
treasure it n u'll be blessed! =)

n of course happy independence day too!

merdeka! merdeka! merdeka!

oraitte, do take care dear friends!

adios~

2009-08-26T10:59:00.003+08:00

LONGLAI
by [s.p.h.i.n.x]178

jalanku lurus jauh berbatu
mungkin buntu di hujung sana
kelam mata ini becak
saat mutiara itu hampir jatuh

kecundang, tewas!

hati berbicara memujuk
fikiran berkecamuk menentang
di manakah kaki ini berpijak?
fantasi...? realiti...?

amarah menguasai diri
punah sudah kecekalan
terbang tinggi jauh tanpa berpaling

ku laung namaMu
gemanya menembusi cakerawala
namun rintihan ini dipandang enteng

saat kaki ini menghayun langkah
longlai... longlai... longlai...
jantung ini hilang denyutnya
cuma seketika
pengembara di hujung sana
sudah rebah lesap
entah ke mana hilangnya

tapak ini seakan beban
tidak tertanggung lagi
longlai... longlai... longlai...
gugur juga titisan jernih itu
tanpa henti membasahi kulit pipi
tidak bisa diseka kali ini
biarkan....

aku pekakkan telinga
aku butakan mata
bibir terukir tanpa sebarang patah
jalan itu jalanku
aku tempuhi seorang diri
biarkan kaki ini terus melangkah longlai

2009-08-23T12:38:00.002+08:00

salam~

i'm currently in bp =D
we're having mid-sem break till 31st august!!! \(^_^)/

btw, thanx for the wishes on last 17th august!
love you all alot!
i missed my best buddies like crazy =(

n thanx to my BELOVED roommate, classmates n friends who had plan a surprise party for me!
it's been a touching moment for me as that was the first time i didnt celebrate it with my family
thanx a lot friends! =) i almost cried but... well, u guys will never see me crying in front of u! =P

korang memang terbaek! walaopon janas xleh blaaa... kah3

my wishes this year?

i didnt wish for many things except my relationship with friends in kmb become stronger n i hope to perform well in the final sem 1 =D

I'M OFFICIALLY 18!

u know what 18-year-old can do rite? *wink*

i better stop here... daa~

2009-08-08T00:58:00.002+08:00

salam~

as i mentioned before, picts will be uploaded soon
but, as my phone's memory suddenly turned nil,
i think it's gonna be time consuming for me to retake all the photos
so, the possibility of retaking the photos is very much low =P

btw, holiday's gonna end soon!

i dunno how i feel right now
a part of me is being sad n the other is being unaffected

well, at least i used my holiday wisely... lol
not to the fullest of course

ok, let's see what i was doing during the past few days =D

completing PAI folio (90%)
revising n understanding CHEM exercises (98%)
revising significant figures for CHEM (95%)
completing Pure Maths exercises (98%)
completing BIO lab report (99%)
completing CHEM lab report (99%)
finishing ENG exercise (100%)
finishing BIO exercises (0%)
reading reader's digest (0%)
reciting the surahs of the al-quran PAI (0%)
preparing for CHEM practical (0%)
revising for MALAY standardize test (0%)
revising for Pure Maths standardize test (50%)

also in the lists are:

shopping - branded items [DONE]
eating - spaghetti, instant noodles, chocs, kfc, pizza hut, pudding, fries [DONE]
downloading - songs, videos, kdramas, software [DONE]
chatting - fellow friends [DONE]
sleeping - until 11 a.m [DONE]
hair treatment - massaging, tonic, etc [DONE]
cutting hair - [DONE]
window shopping - bp mall, summit parade, carrefour [DONE]
gaming - football manager 2009 [DONE]
driving - merlimau, bp [DONE]
hugging n kissing - alya sofea, aisya hani, mama [DONE]
watching tv - kdramas, axn!!! [DONE]
reformating laptop [!!!]
watching epl [ =( ]
cooking [?]
ironing baju kurung [ -_-" ]

not bad right... hehehe
actually i'm still working on the yellow n red parts
insyaAllah... will be completed asap!

daa~

2009-08-02T19:01:00.002+08:00

i'm back in bp!!!

kmb was closed for a week because of h1n1!!

yeeehaaa! =D

2009-07-25T18:27:00.002+08:00

i'm home!!! XD

~feelings now undescribable~

pictures will be uploaded soon

daa~

p/s : cik tikos, u better write something!

2009-07-17T17:03:00.002+08:00

salam~

i'm currently at the concourse of kmb =)
life been traveling very fast here
i've been here for almost 1 month in the blink of eye
being separated from my family is somewhat difficult to handle with
but, i'm grateful that i'm not having serious problem in blending with the people here
so, kinda happy to spend my time here [at the moment]
although there are a lot of activities that are time-consuming
somehow, i feel blessed that i learn a lot about islam in kmb
n as the seniors told us, there's only one way to make u feel at ease and calm which is live as a muslimah
this entry really doesnt sound like me who is ignorance when it comes about islam
heheheh
but, i've experienced it n now i know the truth
i often feel demotivated n i dont have anybody to share with
but, what makes me calm after that is only Allah
i realized that i'm becoming a better muslimah here
i used to read al-quran seldomly but now i changed =)

_____________________________________________________

ok now this 2nd entry is dedicated to my best buddy, cik tikos =)

cik tikos, i hope u'll be fine at sarawak
be strong n never give up
study hard k, i've faith in u!
please contact me if u have problems to share
life getting harder in university but believe me u can endure it
Allah is almighty, He will never make our life miserable
till we meet again~

wei, tikos rindu seh... nanti jumpe ari raye tau ='(

nota kaki busuk : please update your blog if u've free time

bye~

2009-07-12T02:48:00.001+08:00

phewww!!!

finally, i can log into my account after waiting for about 20 minutes for the page to load
imagine how sucks is the internet here!

ok, why am i here at 3 am???

i'm supposed to search for the information regarding the assignment for warisan which i cant figure out anything except the social contract!

so, in the meantime i just wanna make this blog alive

nothing much happened during this week
classes went very smoothly although i'm still working on my chemistry as my teacher is not good in explaining the contents of the subject (WONDER WHY!)

during the first semester, there'll be a lot of presentations
n also, homework keeps increasing gradually day by day
still, i can manage it at least at the time being
i'm currently get the idea of being the ib student
n i'm only experiencing 5%

hmmm... since my room-mate, KD went back to her hometown,
i urges liya to sleep in my room =P

in the morning, we went for klia lol
i accompanied liya to buy her flight ticket
we spent 4 hours there wahahaha!
n what make our so-called-journey interesting is when the bus didnt stop at where it supposed to
we were sleepy back then n i'm the one who suddenly awoke n shout 'labohan dagang' as i realized that we've passed the signboard
as a result we had to walk n walk n walk lol
it's a new experience for me =)

till then, daaa~

2009-07-04T19:36:00.001+08:00

my only nanny died last evening ='(

al-fatihah~

2009-07-04T18:25:00.003+08:00

heyya! it's been a while since i last blogging

sobsss... the internet here is super slow even if i did use the broadband =(

sooo... life in kmb?

hehehe... for the orientation week, it's better than my expectation =)

the people here are awesome n equipped with many abilities

n somehow it gives me the sense of inferiority

what else yaaa...

ermmm... i'm actually kinda regretful for not choosing jpa

so, students out there please be wise when applying for scholarship

for those who are mara scholar, the chance of getting into any of mara colleges is very high

n please don't expect the college as the real college

mara colleges are approximately similar to the mrsm

there are many rules that u need to obey

n of course u'll be fined for misbehave

everything is very similar to the school in many aspects

n another thing is when u apply the mara college u'll definitely taking ib diploma rather than a-level which is more preferrable

ib is such a killer! bear that in ur mind

u are needed to complete the cas, tok, ee n lotsa projects

the subjects taken are supposedly to be 6 but u are also required to take pendidikan islam (muslim) n warisan (history >>> wth!)

n also the subject for english high level are fixed n that means no students are allowed to take the standard level one (english hl is no joking! grade 7 = 90%-100%)

the solution for all the problems in kmb is don't procrastinate! never!

even doing so, that doesn't guarantee u a success

well, it helps anyway!

btw, for the first month it might be very difficult to study as u are not provided with any text books! u need to find it by yourselves! u are going to be very independent to survive the ib!

at the moment, i'm kinda okay~ =)

wish me luck!

2009-06-21T01:44:00.002+08:00

yippee!!!

my mom bought me a hp pavilion dv2!!! =D
i'm lovin' it!!!
thanx mum... =)

i'll work harder in the future!

ohh btw, on sunday evening we'll be going to kl
my dad works on monday... hell yeah!
his work is never ending... i dun care~

then, on tuesday, i'll be the student of kmb officially!
kinda nervous actually

pray for my success! =)

daa~

2009-06-13T21:51:00.005+08:00

i'm sleepyyy~!!! =(

at 8.oo a.m., i went to majlis anugerah cemerlang
at senggarang organized by the parliament of batu pahat
we arrived punctually but the hall was still closing
hahaha... super duper ultra nuts!!!
then, waited for about half an hour before registering myself
at that time, the cleaning process had just started
stupid isnt it? that really is the limit!
after that, sat down n waited again n again
oh btw, i met arina! ^^
we chatted till the event started to begin
the motivator (wth) was boring~
so, i just playing with arina's handphone =P
almost an hour later, the deputy minister of education arrived
non-stop talking n then ahah!!!
finally, my name was called to receive a reward

lalala

i was expecting $$$!!
i'm not going to wear that thing with the umno logo on it -_-"
not branded anyway so, i'm thinking of giving it to anybody soon =p
haishhh! it's better not to come in the first place
the event ended around 1 p.m.
n then we straight away went to my cousin's n my dad's friend's child's wedding
arrived home around 3.30 p.m.

in the evening, i went to carrefour
n got myself these two books costed RM 5 each =)

enough to lighten up myself today! =)

2009-06-13T00:35:00.003+08:00

i'm now lying on my bed

accompanied by beloved nokia 5800

my mind keeps pondering

is it possible for a daughter to love mom more than dad

i think i'm the one in that situation

would it be sinful?

a 7 year-old-kid cant tell lies

n she once told me that

i believed she's innocent

but why she's the one?

2009-06-07T22:15:00.002+08:00

heyya! =)

i feel a lot better today
taking a step closer to The Creator
really make my heart in serene
i hope there'll be no more negative thinking

about 2 weeks left before i jail myself in college
so, i guess i should be academically prepared
seriously need to revise some subjects
heee... quite some months the books being untouched
n now i'm thirsting for a new beginning!

GOD BLESS~

2009-05-28T02:17:00.002+08:00

i went to the shopping mall with my parents
n we met with my dad's friend there
they chatted bla, bla, bla n nothing grasped my attention
until "ohh here's my daughter, she's going to be a doc soon"
wth!

that 'soon' may or may not be happened
aah let it be!

now i'm delighted!
i got a new nokia 5800... hohoho
should i persuade them to purchase a sony vaio? *wink*
anyway, dad bought me a hp laptop bag which only happen once in a blue moon!
i believe that he didnt know that i spent hundreds for shopping all this while... hahaha

errmm what else?
nothing much today
i drove on the evening to the parkson
n my mom who sat next to me was holding the seat belt tightly as if we were in the race... hahaha
*sigh* i lost my touch!
driving at 4o km/h n miserably handling the steering?
i really need intensive class!

2009-05-26T01:55:00.002+08:00

i'm a bit relieved today

mom give me motivation

she has faith in me

nevertheless that's not the problem now

since i only have one path to be taken

i just have to go n do my best

i admit that i was short-sighted

btw, i found somebody who has the same problem as mine

he was my primary classmate since standard 1

a very bright student =)

but at least he still have another choice

haihhh... i dont know what to do

am i ruining my future?

2009-05-24T17:42:00.004+08:00

current mood : sorrow

since the result of MARA came out
i was somewhat dying in the middle of two roads
am i making the right choice?
recently, i've been reading the senior's blogs
n all of them are describing the hectic life in the college
i feel like they are almost dying to complete the 2 years
sometimes i think that i shouldn't apply the scholarship
maybe i should register for UM or matric
somehow i feel that i dont belong to this scholarship
even the top students in my school aren't applying medic
n me? got IB? *gosh*
it's not that i'm being ungrateful
but i feel that i'm not qualified
i'm such a weak character
i'm easily cried when facing difficulties
n of course in front of nobody
that's my weakness n even my mom never knew this
i really wanna discuss deeply bout this matter
but mom wont understand
n i'm gonna make her worry

i'm such a pathetic, isn't it? ='(

i know that this is actually what i want
to be a doctor
but, can i?
what if i fail? who's gonna pay the money back?
what if i pass the IB
n fail after a few years studying abroad?
i'm becoming more n more negative now

"ya Allah, kepadaMu ku memohon
yakinkanlah dan cekalkanlah hati ini
dalam menghadapi dugaanMu"

2009-05-17T14:16:00.004+08:00

alhamdulillah~
this is what i'm wanting in my life
but
am i making the right choice
should or shoudn't
there's no turning back

2009-05-10T08:13:00.002+08:00

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO MAMA!

i could never repay your kindness
for always being there for me
when i need someone

to listen and understand
to lend me support
and a helping hand
to reassure me when i'm down
and lift me around

so, this wish simply comes
to tell you
how lucky i am
to have a wonderful MAMA
like you!

you are my strength
i promise to achieve our dreams
thanks for everything!

2009-05-05T16:45:00.004+08:00

i'm home!!! =D

at last, finished my ns with distinction! ahaks
so much excited to be able to breath in my home =P
but, at the same time it was sad to leave my besties there ='(
we cried while singing this song~

bila yang tertulis untukku
adalah yang terbaik untukmu
kan kujadikan kau
kenangan yang terindah dalam hidupku
namun takkan mudah bagiku
meninggalkan jejak hidupku
yang telah terukir abadi
sebagai kenangan yang terindah

* CHARLIE 13 KUMPULAN 2 SIRI 6/2009 *

2009-04-13T09:23:00.003+08:00

somebody asked me whether or not the campsite got cybercafe
ahahahahaha
actually, i'm onlining from home! =D
i need to attend an interview for mara scholarship this coming wednesday
btw, this is my second time going home =P
the first time was during my brother's wedding

talking bout ns, 1 word : HECTIC
but, i love the physical activities!
fun n challenging!
character building class?
ermm, quite boring!
sometimes depends on the activities n teachers
normally, i will fall asleep around 5-10 minutes ^^
but, i learnt a lot during the class
maybe the module should be fixed here n there
daa~

2009-04-12T17:41:00.002+08:00

"ya Allah ya Tuhanku...
sesungguhnya aku hambamu yang lemah lagi hina.
aku merayu padamu lindungilah keluargaku
daripada perbuatan hasad dengki orang2 di sekeliling kami.
selamatkanlah keluargaku daripada perbuatan terkutuk itu.
satukanlah hati2 kami dan janganlah Kau pecah-belahkan kami.
kuatkanlah ikatan kasih sayang antara kami.
aku merayu janganlah Kau timpakan musibah kepada
keluargaku di saat ketiadaanku di samping mereka.
sesungguhnya aku belum berdaya mengahadapi dugaan sebesar ini."

___________________________________

something bad happened. totally out of my mind.
i'm sad. i'm worried of my family.
='(

2009-03-19T00:03:00.002+08:00

bye~ =(

rianz : do take care! thanx for accepting me...
i'm gonna miss all of u! i love each one of u! =)

2009-03-16T15:38:00.002+08:00

alhamdulillah~

i've passed my driving test! =D

phewww...

2009-03-13T00:46:00.003+08:00

~alhamdulillah~

yesterday, i finally got my spm result =D
thanx all for your doa, wishes n advice
[ u know who u are =P ]
--------------------------------------------
to mama, this is just for you =)

thanx for spending your time when i was down
thanx for being patient for all this while
thanx for your words, i became stronger

u are the only person who have faith in me
even when many times everything was meaningless
u still be by my side, protecting my fragile soul

2009-02-24T15:22:00.009+08:00

~hahaha~
luckily, the campsite isn't really far from home
btw, linda got the same camp too =D